#itsbettertocoach

Tough Mudder this year was a FAR more enjoyable experience.  There is nothing better than having a delicious pre-race meal and beer with the comfort of knowing you do not have to run the damn race!  It was amazing.  Of course the one year I don’t run it doesn’t rain, hail or any other form of nasty weather you can possibly imagine!  It was so cool to go and watch and take pictures of Team Sotally Tober Fudder Muckers!  I met so many amazing, crazy, dirty people along the race course, helped a few people out with special supplies I had stashed in my backpack and got a TON of exercise walking to the obstacles to take pictures and watch (even took a tiny little nap on a hill waiting for the team to show up to one of the events!)  Not spending the two weeks following Mudder all bruised and beat up was a bonus as well.  This, my friends, is the better, healthier way to do Tough Mudder.  

New Career?

As I was sitting in traffic yesterday making up new names for the stupid, bad drivers (douche nugget) it hit me that I should probably have my own morning and traffic show on the radio.   I would even be willing to hop into a whirling death machine to provide the most accurate traffic reports for my listeners (of course bringing along my friend Ativan).   It would be a very honest and forthright reporting of true traffic events.   Here is just a small sample of the reports:

“Asshat in Blue Dodge pick-up truck on the 91 Highway driving in the fast lane not letting people pass.  If same blue dodge is witnessed as pushed off the side of the road, please do not stop and assist.  Douche deserves to wait!”

“It’s Idiot Thursday people.  Just try to get home safe as fast as you can.  Who knows what is going to happen out there today!”

“This morning’s traffic report brought to you by the nut jobs who slow the eff down to stare at every car that happens to be pulled over on the highway or accident that occurred on the OTHER side of the highway.  Stop looking and start driving people!”

“Minivan on the highway commute home who is pissing everyone off hitting the breaks over and over again when clearly there is no bloody cars in front of you.  Please, please unfortunate Minivan driver, if you are listening, you are causing all the other idiots behind you to panic and hit the brakes.  If you cause a rear-ender, you’re getting the bill.” 

“Gentle reminder to the listeners out there AND a public service announcement:  Slower effing traffic keep right!  This actually means if you are driving in the left hand lane and are not doing so with the sole purpose of passing someone and getting back in the right lane then I suggest you get off the road.  Your f**ing up traffic.”

“You in the white Subaru driving ten kilometers under the speed limit – that car goes faster, I know it does.  If you can’t drive it to its full potential get a bloody Honda Fit.  Let someone who knows how to drive have the damn car!”

I could go on and on and I will most certainly do so, in my head, on the commute home today and every day.  Until then stay safe out there on the roads.  Especially on Idiot Thursday!

My Memory Escapes Me.... Again and Again

I don’t know what is going on with my neurons right now but I swear they have gone on strike.  It’s like they decide, when it’s convenient for them, not to fire every once and awhile leaving me mid conversation with no thoughts at all.  Then, hours later they decide to fire up again and I recall what it was I was trying to say/remember.  This is not good for the wit and charm I usually dispel.  How am I to appear to be witty and smart if my brain decides to forget the simplest things.  Like the name of the tv show that Valerie Bertinelli was in back in the day?  That was a two day layover whereupon I had to use The Google to figure it out (One Day at a Time).  Is my brain becoming so used to my heavy dependence on The Google that it has just given up trying?  Is it age?  Early signs of dementia?  I choose to think that I have way to many random, useless tidbits floating around that my brain has simply stopped trying!  I better start eating good, healthy brain food and doing brain exercises.  Of course, I am going to first have to Google that!

(Side Bar - Just read article in Scientific American the other day that quoted studies on alcohol affecting your brain cells (ie: unceremoniously killing them) .  As much as I heartily dispute the findings of these studies, I am now wondering if I should add "reduce alcohol intake" to the new brain health plan.  Or not.....)

The Problem With Social Media

It occurred to the other day as I was humoring myself with my own witty banter (in my head of course, as only a small portion of my thoughts get written down) that the fundamental fault with social media is that at any given time, you can Tweet, Snap Chat, Comment on line and a million other forms of expelling verbal diarrhea within seconds of the thoughts coming to you.   I had this thought because at least 90 percent of my mental rumblings could seriously get me into trouble and/or create confusion with which I would have to then explain myself (which is something I hate doing).  You see so many celebrities and common everyday folk who create online shit storms with the comments or videos that they post on line whereupon if they waited a 12 to 24 hour period before posting, would they think it through and reconsider?   Take today for instance.  I was thinking to myself how amazing it would be to go to a local craft beer festival but it would be an even better experience if I could employ a driver to take me to and fro.  Alas, my inside voice became my outside voice and I abruptly stated  “I need to hit up an AA meeting so I can make new friends who don’t drink who can drive.”  Ummmm, three of my coworkers literally stared at me with faces that looked like I just said I was going to get naked and jump off the roof of the building, while eating a sandwich.  I then realized that this was one of those comments that I perhaps should have kept to myself.  Could you image if that comment got Twitterized?  Oh boy would I get roasted.   Those are the type of things that people really need to pause first before hitting post.  I am pretty sure the social media generations who are running around right now have never been taught to think first before posting.  Shouldn’t it be the social media platforms duty to have a message pop up when you hit post that says – “ARE YOU SURE?”  Of course they should add a smiley face after the question mark so the user doesn’t get all teary eyed and upset because their media app asked them a question that questions them……  oh goodness. 

There are so many times I hear about a comment that has been posted where everyone and their dog decides to get all pedestal, high and mighty and beat the person who posted the comment down.  People really, honestly need to chill the eff out.   Not only has social media developed a generation of people who feel it’s their right to comment and provide opinions on EVERYTHING but it also has unearthed a whole grassroots generation of people who clearly have no bloody sense of humor!  We really should go back to the way it was back in the day when  you had to hand write a letter to the editor of a newspaper, who may or may not publish it.  (Note: for anyone reading this who is under 25, a newspaper is actual papers, bunched together with stories written in it using full sentences AND actual paragraphs.  Yes, we had paragraphs back in the day.  Oh, and punctuation.  Those were the days……..)

The Dilemma of Shopping

So now that I need two completely different wardrobes, one for work and one for SO not at work, I find myself in a conundrum.  Why is it that the clothing looks so amazing online and when you go to the store the stuff looks cheap/doesn’t fit/is just ridiculous?  Can’t they show us the clothing on a model then provide a little picture of what it is going to look like on a real person who eats food and drinks beers?  Come on!  If I see a dress on a model online I can almost one hundred percent guarantee that dress is going to look like crap on me!  Not only that, the mirrors in some of the changing rooms at the stores are soooo not flattering (maybe it’s the lighting, I don’t know).  I swear I need to take a double dose of antidepressants before shopping for clothing (don’t even get me started on summer stuff! Shorts......Ug.)

Maybe I need to open a boutique called "Clothing That Will Fit YOU" or "Had A Sandwich For Lunch? Clothing Boutique for Women".  There would, of course, be many fat hiding clothing sections!  Have back fat?  Check out our Hide That Back Fat Section!  Flappy arms? Please see the "Three Quarter Sleeve on Everything" isle.  Still sporting that baby bump 12 years later?  Be sure to hit the "Extra Hold in the Midsection" isle.  I would seriously be a millionaire.  The concept of clothing for real people cannot be new.  Can it?

There Comes A Time........

Every once and awhile my head clears and I realize I am on a life hamster wheel that continues to roll in the same cage with the same bits of sawdust.  It’s a little unnerving when this realization hits because you never know how much time you have left to accomplish all that you need to.  I had this hit me as I was walking out of work with a co-worker a few weeks ago.  The normal end of day pleasantries led to the comment “see ya tomorrow where we get to do the same thing all over again”.  Yup, same stuff, the only difference is the date on the calendar changes.  

Part of the wheel involves things that are necessary evils, like work and life maintenance.  Day after day people seem to get up, go to work, walk the dog (if you have one), exercise (maybe), take your kid(s) to their activities (if you have em), eat lunch, eat dinner, eat snacks (generally eat too much), clean the damn house and maybe do a few things that make you happy, if you can find what makes you happy.    I am positive that there are people out there who genuinely enjoy the wheel.  I have actually met people who do not care to have a plan for their upcoming years.  Those people who answer “I don’t know” when you ask them what their five year plan is.  Are they just satisfied with living out their lives one day at a time, doing the same thing over and over?  Maybe they are.  The prospect of this seems sad to me.  So very sad.  Is it complacency or hopelessness?   

I really think stepping off the wheel is the scary part.   Or maybe realizing you are on a wheel at all.  Making changes is frightening personally and for those around you.  So what’s the key to getting off the wheel?  Is it having a job you absolutely love to go to every day?  One that you feel like you are making a difference in the world?  Is it leaving your job and all the responsibilities behind and joining the circus (after getting any and all necessary dental work done!)?  Or is it having hobbies that give you joy?  I am pretty sure the answer is different for everyone.  The big question is - Do you need to get off the wheel and find what makes you happy?  

(SIDE BAR to this really depressing post - I wrote this post months ago, about two weeks before a exuberant, life living, amazing friend passed away.  It hit me that he did NOT have a life hamster wheel and spent, what seemed like, every minute of his life living and loving every damn minute to the fullest.  His passing hit me very hard because I realized that there is absolutely no crystal ball of life and it is extremely important to live each day, hour and minute like it could be your last!  We all know this deep in our hearts ...... but do we live it?)

It's A New Year...

You don’t call, you don’t write…..  ya, ya.  I have been bloody busy.  Working and commuting is seriously cutting into my recreation/nap time.  Not to mention all the holiday crap that I was required to participate in.  If only I could sleep when my car is driving………  hmmmm, now there’s a thought.

As you have all probably noticed, a new year has begun.  I promised myself last year that I was not going to fall prey to the whole resolution crap because we all know those things fail.  As promised, I did not make any resolutions however I did decide that I seriously cannot afford a stay at Betty Ford or the Biggest Loser Fat Camp (Ya, I know, it’s not called that – probably Biggest Loser Wellness Retreat or something fluffy like that) so it is probably time to stop the food/alcohol/fun train and send my liver and fat ass a message that I am working with them, not against them (there is the cost of a new wardrobe as well).  So, with my liver and a few other internal organs that are probably suffering, I have embarked on a Liver/Kidney/Heart Refresh (or as I like to call it “Backfat is Ugly Baby”).  No, I am not on a freakish plan or some kinda fad diet.  I am just trying to give my poor old, ever increasing in size, body a break from the crap I have been ingesting for so long.  Apart from the withdrawal symptoms and a daily headache things are freaking great.  Bottom line: don’t get yourself to the point of having to do a bloody clean out and you should be good.  Maybe.