This question has haunted me since childhood. Truth be
told, I still don’t know. At this stage in the game I wonder if Filthy
Rich Alcoholic is an option? No? Fine then. There are days I
consider dropping some of my morals and become a ruthless scam artist.
This sounds like an exciting career, however dangerous. If I had my
devious shit together years ago I could have become a very successful Cyber
Scam Artist. I break out in a sweat just thinking about what this would
do to my conscious being. I just cannot do it. It is so seriously
NOT like I got some kind of moral compass from my parental upbringing.
Honestly, if I learned anything from my Frank Gallagher of a father it
was “don’t get caught”. One of his favourite sayings was “Do
everything once and what you like go back to”. Well if that isn’t the
worst freaking advice for a kid. Gee Dad, tried crack this weekend.
I think I like it! It was straight common sense for my eight year
old self to see that this was not the best parenting advice. There are a
million things a kid should never just “try” to see if they like it.
Steal a car, have unprotected ‘special time’, rob a bank….. I could go on forever.
There have been times in my life where the question “What do
you do?” really pisses me off. It’s like your entire self-worth is
completely wrapped up in what you do as a job, not who you are as a
person. There are people out in the world who judge others based solely
on the job/career they have and not on if they are a decent human being.
It makes me crazy. Whether you are a successful doctor or a janitor
at a high school, does this mean you are any more or less worthy? What
about those who volunteer their time to help others? Are they a more
successful human than the mom who works making minimum wage at a grocery store,
just making ends meet? Who is the judge and jury? Ourselves or
others?
This leads me back to the original question and the fact that
I still have not figured this out. I have had a few jobs over the years
but none of the jobs are who I want to be. I think I have narrowed it
down to Filthy Rich, Slightly Dependent on Craft Beer/Cheese Author (or
something to do with cellular biological research – yes, this is odd). I can
see it now…. I would own a craft brewery that serves nachos and write about
it. Oh the bliss…. In all honesty I would be quite happy with
Thoughtful, Caring Human. What do you want to be?