So this morning on my long commute to work I realized a
couple of things. One about me and the other about society/people/bad
drivers. First off, I get absolutely tense and irritated when people
don’t follow the rules of the damn road! I find myself gritting my teeth
and death gripping my steering wheel the entire drive. The only thing
that calms the inner beast down is coming up with creative road signs for
stupid drivers. (If you see a news story about poorly made cardboard
signs appearing on the side of the highway, I confess, that was me. The
only thing stopping me from completing this task is having to get up at 3 am to
put the signs on the side of the highway so I won’t get caught!)
First sign will say: “Slower traffic keep right is NOT a suggestion!!
It’s a rule asshole.”
Secondly, I absolutely do not understand people and the
psychology around the bad driver. I swear I think they are the
only ones on the road or they slept through certain sections of their drivers
test! Why do we not retest people! Back in the day you could flash
people with your headlights if they were driving slowly in the fast lane.
I am pretty sure there are so many stupid people out there in cars that if you
flashed your lights at someone they wouldn’t have a clue what you were doing! I propose that every five years, when you have to renew your drivers license, you take a little online test called "Are you an Idiot on the road?" If you fail, you have to take driving lessons to keep your damn license.
This all leads me to this morning. I had the
misfortune of having to follow a jackass all the way down the highway who was
driving along in THE FAST LANE all the bloody way! I got to about ten
minutes before my turn off on the highway before I could get in the SLOW LANE
and pass her! Worst part? She FINALLY moved into the slow lane JUST
BEFORE her exit off the highway (which coincidentally ended up being the exact
same exit I was taking). So as I take my exit and see her behind me it
dawns on me that she is most likely going to the same place I am to work and
this is my opportunity to ask someone why the hell they think it’s okay to
block effing traffic all the bloody way down the highway and only change
freaking lanes just before your exit??? Yes, I parked and sorta stalked
the offending car/human as it parked. It was everything I could do to not
stand in front of her car and ask this burning question. I am going with
one of two things – she feels entitled to drive in whatever lane she wants,
whenever she wants (even though she was NOT driving a Dodge pickup truck –
because clearly if you drive one of those you are allowed to drive wherever you
want all the time!) OR she is shit scared to change lanes (in which case get
your fraidy cat ass into the slow lane and STAY there!).
That is the question of the day: What possesses people
to drive in the fast lane, blocking traffic, all the way down the damn highway
right up until they have to change lanes and exit? (PS if you happen to
be one of these people and are just now realizing that you have been pissing
people off with your driving for YEARS I really want to know what the hell you
are thinking and where you got your driver’s license!)
Googling “relaxation sounds for angry drivers” cd’s next.
For now I leave you with a picture of Kitty. In all his sarcastic glory!
