Most women love to shop. I am saying most because I,
once upon a time, would go to the mall with a friend just to look at the new
shoes and clothing, maybe grab a coffee and take my time looking at all the
wonderful new fashions that came out each season. I am not sure what
happened but I now cannot stand shopping (I am going to blame kids for making
shopping trips like a living hell AND for taking all your money). I will
now do hours’ worth of university paper writing, on line research first before
I ever get in my car and go to a mall. No, I don’t order the stuff on
line because most of the time, as I have previously mentioned, the stuff looks
wonderful on the models on line but when a real human tries the article on it
is a scary nightmare (false advertising?). In spite of all this I
had to go out and buy a new bathing suit. Just typing the words “shopping
for a new bathing suit” make me shudder and whimper a little. This was a
necessary trip to the mall that took place just hours before leaving on Girls
Weekend and because of this I was willing to go to the Gajillion Dollars for
Very Little Fabric Swimsuit Store. All I really needed, again, was a top
that hid my stomach, made my boobs look fantastic (or like I even had any) and
made me look super slim. (PS – I would like a suit that also hides arm
fat but that is called a turtle neck and I would have been laughed out of the
spa!) I found many a suit to try on and, after burning off at least a
thousand calories and engaging in acts of shoulder dislocation just to get most
of them off, I did find a top that covered most of the necessary bits.
The staff at We Will Take Your Gajillion Dollars for Fabric Scraps are
extremely helpful and knowledgeable. I would have been there for hours
had I not gotten help. I leave the shop with not only a bathing suit top
but also Fat Hiding bathing suit shorts AND a much, much lighter wallet.
Side bar – I have always been extremely self-conscious in a
bathing suit. Even before I started drinking craft beer and eating nachos
– or had children. Turns out the ladies at the spa (and even a few dudes)
wear whatever the heck they want and let it all hang out. Apparently it’s
all about confidence and, I like to think, seriously not giving a fluff what
other people think. Way to go ladies out there rocking the bikini…… Mad
respect!
