See? What did I tell ya?

What have I been telling you guys all along? 

Hibernation - 1. to spend the winter in close quarters in a dormant condition. 2. to withdraw or be in seclusion, retire. 3. to winter in a place with a milder climate.

Any of those things sound like a plan right now?  Ok, I will write Webster's and have them take out the "close quarters" thing because no one but bears like that however there are some key words we need to pay attention to: retire and milder climate.  Makes you wonder if all those older folks who head off to Palm Springs and the like are on to something. 

Anyone in for regulated, mandatory hibernation?  How about when we get those two days of snow? Can we pull it off then?

Ebola, The New Flu and Bad Guys

For quite some time now I have been trying to justify why it is a really good idea never to leave the house (without the obvious addition of living in yoga pants of course).  If the news in the last couple of weeks has not backed me up, I don't know what will.  What with germs coming over to visit on airplanes and the expected nasty flu boring down on us why would we leave the comfort of our homes?  Of course, the normal amount of bad guys is worthy of a level eight lock down, now we have really, really bad guys to contend with!  Seriously people - work at home, order your groceries and get a bloody treadmill.  Now that I think of it I might just patent the "bullet proof everyday wear" line of clothing and run with it.  Or maybe invent a "mentally unstable, likely to lose it" detector that people would need to pass through in order to go to a public location.  Huh, inventor?  New job title.  Anyway, long story short - Don't go out.  It's scary out there.  Stay home, eat popcorn and drink wine and/or beer and/or spirits.  It just makes sense.

Positive advertising and really, really smart marketing

Well, the way I look at it is, if they put a picture of a tree and a squirrel and all kinds of excellent catch phrases like: natural, whole grains and super duper good for you on a bag wrapped around a DONUT I am in!  Lets throw a couple of flax seeds into a Tims sour cream glazed or boston cream donut and who can say they are bad for you?  Who wouldn't rather have a donut for breakfast than a dry, nutty piece of bread.  (If you are now trying to convince yourself that you love nutty, granola type bread that tastes like cardboard, the only person you are kidding is yourself!) 

 



From this

To THIS!!!

And the "Games" Begin Again

Well, it is that time of the year again.  Minor hockey tryouts.  I am staging a personal boycott this year and trying my best not to attend a single tryout.  Don't get me wrong, I really want to go watch the youngest money sucker.  I really do.  What I don't want to watch is all the crazy ass parents who are at the rink just waiting with bated breath for other peoples kids to really suck, get hurt or leave the ice puking.  No, I swear I am not making this up.  For the last two years I have actually witnessed a hockey mom video taping the tryouts.  Why, why, why does a parent do this?  The only thing I can think of is when her little Johnny gets cut she can go to someone and say, "look, my little Johnny is WAY better than little Billy.  I have it on tape."  No other reason.  I think the Minor Hockey people should tell her to get the hell out.  Some serious integrity is missing in this situation.  What also completely confuses me is when hockey parents drive all the way to the rink to watch the tryouts when their kid is NOT even on the ice!  What does that tell ya?  To much time on their hands?  So bored they would rather watch unrelated children tryout for hockey?  (Side note here - one must keep in mind that all hockey parents have no time for anything because they are so busy.  So, so busy.)  No.  I am sorry.  These are the parents who are only at the rink to watch because they want to see how much better their "Sidney" is than the other children on the ice.  Oh look, there is that word again: Children.  These are children people.  Get the hell over it.  We all want our children to try hard and succeed but is it really setting a good example when we don't cheer on and hope the best for other children as well?  What are we teaching these kids?  Since this is my second go around with this whole tryout stuff I am taking some lessons from some of the first go round parents and proceeding with class, dignity and maybe a couple glasses (read: bottles) of wine. 

Back to What?

This by all accounts should be the happiest time of the year for me and a gajillion other parents.  I should be skipping the isles of Staples buying school supplies and dreading making lunches for the next ten months.  Am I doing those things?  Hell no!  Now I am not trashing either side of this ridiculous dispute however I do have an opinion about the lengthy amount of time the "negotiators" took off to enjoy their summer.  If I ran the place (and don't get me wrong here, I keep checking the ads to see if the job comes up) I would have immediately told the two sides that they were promptly forfeiting their freaking vacation until they came up with some kind of agreement.  Six weeks off to do nothing does not fly with most of us.  Get in there and get the job done.  A huge portion of the population only gets three or four weeks of vacation a YEAR so there is no reason why vacation needed to be taken during a major strike.    I don't get to take vacation when there is major stuff going on in my job, why should they!  I am almost positive that the "negotiators" would have pieced together some kind of agreement in a hurry because the pressure would have been on!  Pressure from the teacher, parents and government?  NO.  Pressure from their kids, wives (and or mistresses - yes, I just went there) and others because they had a trip planned.  They would be in France enjoying their vacation and I would be skipping the school supply isles.  Win.  Freaking.  Win.

 

I have been asked by many people what I am going to do with the school age money sucker if the teachers don't go back the beginning of September and my answer is oh so not very popular.  I am going to find the teachers address and drop the monster off in the morning and pick him up again in the afternoon.  THAT will put the pressure on! 

 

Grind 2014 - Done!

Just in case you can't read the sign it says "Third Annual Birthday Grind with Mountain Goats".  That was pretty much the last time I saw those two.  I must say, working out like a mad fool in order to not have a heart attack in the middle of the mountain DID make the climb easier this year.  I did not have to stop and lie down even once!  AND I finished in under two hours (yet another miracle!)  I did, however, make the mistake of leaving the sign and the sharpie with the goats.  There were many pictures taken with derogatory remarks written down but this one was my favourite......

Ha ha, very funny.