Having lunch at my desk the other day and thought about how nice it would be to get myself a little afternoon go-go juice to keep the noggin clear for the rest of the day – and to avoid falling asleep on the drive home. Win, win. I was all but extremely pleased with myself at this point because I was eating leftovers from dinner the other night that happened to be slathered in red sauce. Yup, to-mat-o sauce. All was good until the absolute last bite – you see I had done so well NOT making an absolute mess of myself (and bib free too!) that I was filled with confidence about my utensil wielding skill. This is the reason I never wear white – last bit of tomato sauce not in mouth. Lands on camel colored jacket. Shit. Now I am sporting a couple of orange spots that are six times as large as the original splatter due to my panic cleaning methods with Kleenex and water (doesn’t work, don’t try it). So a this point I have not only messed myself up I have completely negated any option of walking over to the local coffee shop to get the dreamy afternoon java in my plan. Double shit. Might mention here that if you are going to eat the sauce with a fork there is a super good chance you will lose some of the sauce through the HOLES in the fork. Should have used a spork.
Side note to the never wearing white: I belong to the Never Wear White Pants Club. Really. (Ok, I made that up. But if there were a club I would be on the Board of Directors). I have multiple examples to prove this however the old boy refuses to let me take pictures of the backside of complete strangers. All I have to say now is: “Look, dude, that’s why one should never wear white pants”. Hello pantylines and see through fabric. Not to mention it limits where you can sit down and will always sport more dirt than anyone should visibly walk around with. Actually, come to think of it I’m out on white skirts and white shoes as well. It may or may not have any relation to spilling shit on myself all the time or being forced to live in the House of Boy a.k.a. The House of Sand and Dirt.
I have three words to back all this up: White Yoga Pants.
Nuff said.
