Even I had trouble typing the heading. As you might have guessed from previous posts, I do not sleep much. During stressful times I sleep even less. That being said, I was up a couple of nights ago pacing the "track" from the kitchen to the family room to the living room and back when I noticed a fella walking briskly to my neighbours house across the way. Well, this is something interesting! So of course I stopped the walking and started the watching. I figured he was going to my neighbours house at 2:15 am for one of two reasons: to visit?? or to do something he really outta not be doing. I watch as Buddy tries the doors on all three vehicles and then moves on to the car in the next neighbours house! Huh. Perhaps I should alert someone? I jump back on the Insomnia Track and get the phone from the kitchen and call the police while walking back to my perch in the front window. As I am doing this ole Buddy Bad Guy has now proceeded to check about ten car doors in five neighbours driveways and is on his way to my house to pay a visit! This is the point in the story where I want to say I ran outside with the road hockey stick that is propped up at my front door (Yes, a hockey stick in my house. Youngest Money Sucker is pushing the envelope daily with what he gets away with and what his brothers got away with. THAT is another post. A really long one.) Anyway, I am sure you are all envisioning me running outside, hockey stick flying all over the place, hair everywhere, no shoes on, pajamas flapping in the wind? I would have then proceeded to smack Buddy Bad, Bad Guy in the head with the hockey stick all the while screaming "this is my car you just put your grubby, germ infested, no good germs on asshole!" (Seriously did not touch the door handle the next day. Bad guy germs have to be worse then just regular guy germs. Just guessing.) Alas, I was on the phone with the dispatcher sorta freaking out. She was gently trying to get a detailed description out of me while I watched him walk across the lawn and proceed to check the door handles on the vehicles in our driveway. He was literally 7 feet away from me! I could not believe that he did not see me standing smack in the middle of the front window on the phone with the cops. I guess on the plus side, Buddy "Hope you got Busted" is so focused on his job that he did not notice his surroundings. Perhaps he can find a freaking legitimate job to focus his energy and attention to detail on. Big jerky asshole. Anyway, the old boy hears my squealing on the phone and figures out what is going on before even coming downstairs. He, ever the tough guy, runs outside with a big flashlight (strangest weapon choice but what can I say, I was going to use a hockey stick) and proceeds to try to find Buddy. About 5 short minutes later the police drive up at mock speed (which I appreciated because had they driven up at 30 km I would have not thought they were very concerned) and tell us that one of their coworkers was "talking to a guy". In my head that means they caught the bad guy and losing almost an entire nights sleep was worth it. No, I did not fall back asleep very easily after that. Being outside in your pajamas with no shoes is not a prelude to a good rest. I did however realize that all these years of battling insomnia finally paid off. I am putting myself on zombie watch as well. Just in case.......
(On a completely unrelated note, I did mention a short time ago that if I did not leave the house soon I would have nothing to write about. Well "suck it outside world" I have stuff come to me!)
