It’s winter. Again. There are a few wardrobe
items I despise that are necessary winter wardrobe articles. The first
would be the warm, I can’t drive in this bitch, coat. I have a 45 minute
drive in the morning to work and the last thing I want to do is twitch about
trying to get all my clothing layers just right so I can actually move my damn
arms to steer the vehicle. I always do a little happy dance when spring
comes and I get to put the coat away. Heck, I didn’t even NEED a coat
until I started working far, far away! One would not think the entire
climate would be different than that of your home just a short 45 minute drive
away (please keep in mind that the quoted drive time of 45 minutes all depends
on traffic, accidents and stupid people. The drive home? Another
story.) but alas the weather patterns of my work location are dramatically
different than that of my home. With the arctic temperatures and the fact that I have to park, what seems like, ten miles away, I would do without the coat all together.
Next item up for burning? Tights! Not the tights
you put on with a big comfy sweater and woolly socks to engage in a Netflix
bingewatch. These are not those. The kind of tights I am talking
about replaced nylons many years back (Because seriously? Who wears nylons
anymore?) and they are a necessary item if you want to wear a skirt or dress
during the cold winter months. I freaking HATE tights. (However
just today I wondered if I would hate them less if I lost ten or so pounds, but
that is another story altogether.) Back to the hating……. Oh tights…
why do I hate thee? Because unless I pull your tight ass top to just
under my bra line you cannot/will not stop bloody rolling down to parts of my
middle that really do not like being constricted. Especially after
lunch. That and the seam on the bottom, that I assume is necessary, keeps
sliding under my toes which forces me to take my shoes off constantly to drag
the damn seam back to above my toes so I am not walking on a stupid,
uncomfortable seam all day! (Okay, I will admit this one I will add to my list
of “quirks” because no one else I have talked to seems to have the “seam under
toe aggravation”). Both of these add up to me constantly yanking on the
top and the bottom of the winter wear. Add a damn coat and I am a poster
child for a twitchy, quirky mess. Perhaps I should suggest living in a
warmer climate where NONE of these clothing items are even needed.
Well….. then there are shorts…… and we all know how evil shorts are.
