Still not sure if I should blow a biscuit on this one or not. It is sorta funny. You be the judge.
A little over a month ago, the oldest money sucker got a new cell phone that also required him to get a new phone number. The guy at the phone store was all “Dude, this looks like an easy number to remember. Why don’t you take this one?” Great. New phone acquired. New phone number secured. All is well with the world right? Again, not so much.
Boy comes home yesterday and tells me he has been getting bizarre voicemails from people and equally strange texts. So he reads me a few of the texts. Good thing the boy already has a complete vocabulary of swear words because I am sure I used at least a half dozen choice words. You see, after finding out the general content of the messages the boy was getting, I immediately do what every person with functioning brain and a decent internet connection does: I Google the number. Well, if there isn’t a lovely picture of a lady wearing almost nothing and MY SONS CELL NUMBER printed delicately between her legs (probably to keep said picture a teeny bit G rated). I almost lost my lunch. Really? I was on the phone to the mobility provider before you could say: “what the hell.” I explain the horrifying situation to Mr. Personality of a Flea that his fine company gave my son a sleazy, escorts number and the number is plastered all over the internet. Mr. Flea explains to me that the number most likely belonged to Ms. Escort previously and would I like to change the number? Really dude? You know how much of a pain in the ass it is to change your number and contacts TWICE in a little over a month? The boy in no way wants to change his number again and is in the background shaking his head NO and looking at me like he might just go a bit wiggy if I make the change. So I tell Mr. Flea we are going to wait a week and see if we can take care of it another way. I hang up only after being completely disgusted at the guys level of customer service. If I worked there and got that call I would have been all “Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. We certainly should have done a better job making sure the number your teenager was given was ‘clean’ and I will report this to my manager so no other young person has to deal with this again.” That was just a little bit of what I was looking for. The guy did not give a shit and I was probably just interrupting his online game of Plants vs Zombies.
I then spend the next hour sending hate, threatening emails to the escort service to remove my sons cell number from their website. I will definitely update you all if I hear anything from the escort service (Really people: escort service? Who are we kidding here?)
I did laugh about it the rest of the day and thanked my lucky stars the boy was older when this happened. A friend mentioned what a complete shit show this whole thing would have been if it had happened to someone who had a jealous spouse. Could you imagine? Finding your husbands cell phone and seeing those messages thinking he was soliciting an escort service. THAT my friends is law suit worthy!
Draft of my letter to the phone company:
Dear Sirs:
Well it seems in your haste to make a quick sale you have successfully reassigned a cell number that once belonged to a disgusting, most likely disease ridden, escort named Portia to my teenager. Way to go. Come on people, you are not just a phone company, you also provide internet service as well. Ever occur to you to have a gander at some of your retired numbers on line BEFORE you put them out there for re-use? Would it hurt to check these things out? Would it also hurt to train your customer service personnel to be a little bit sensitive and perhaps proactive? Honestly, a ten year old could have handeled that call better.
I decided to censor the rest of the letter at this point. To many nasty words were spilling onto the page and, although my mom doesn’t read this, I am sure someones mom does!
Stay tuned.
