This morning I got to the office, opened my email and saw a note from my manager requesting that I meet her for a scheduled meeting at a different location. This would require me to a. Take public transit or b. Drive my car to a location I have never been to before. WELL. Let me explain the sixty-five levels of near panic that went through my head. Where to start?
Let’s start first with the public transit fiasco. If I am required to take public transit I need at least two days notice. I will need to physically and mentally prepare for this adventure. The skirt and heels I am wearing today will not allow for adequate “running” in the event of a robbery, stabbing or drunkin pervert. I will need time to get to the bank to withdrawal money for the tickets to get on the unpredictable, computer run, death trap because seriously, who carries cash? Pepper or bear spray will need to be purchased. A purse change will need to take place (Can’t be having that big, flappy open top purse. Must switch to smaller, close to the body, zipped up bag. Hell, if there’s time I might just find a fanny pack. Ha ha ha – goodness, there’s a picture.) A certain amount of mental prep work has to take place before this trip can happen. I find it appropriate to get into “fighter mode”. That way if a potential criminal or pervert looks to you as their next potential target, you have your game face on. The “don’t mess with ME motha” face. I need time to get into character, put on temporary tattoos and develop an imaginary “rap” sheet. I’m thinking by now you have gathered that I am not a huge fan of being stuck in a train that I can’t get out of. My rule: if you are so close I can smell you, you are too effin close. I, in no uncertain terms, want to be in smelling range of any stranger. EVER. There is no where to run and hide from the crazed drug addict with a gun. End of story.
Next, let’s review the problem with me driving to a location that I have never been to without adequate notice. Two things right off the bat: I have absolutely NO gas in my car and was lucky to just get to the office this morning and I left my GPS at home. I am too old to drive around trying to figure shit out with just a printed copy of Google Maps. I make an active effort to not be stressed out while driving because my personality lends itself to intentionally ramming someone with my car if they piss me off. Better to just avoid that kind of situation. Driving also requires the pre-trip to the bank for cash for the insane amount of money needed to park the car.
So I stare at the email meeting request for a bit, internally cussing my lack of spontaneity, and email my manager with a polite request to meet on the phone. I did not tell her about my “two day notice” requirement but did mention that if she wanted me to go there I would have to find a bank first because the twenty three cents I currently have in my wallet will not get me on the train and fare evasion is completely out of the question. She was understanding and agreed meeting on the phone would work which is good because my next email was going to go over the finer points of providing “danger pay”.
