Garden Neglect or a "Plant" growing contest? You decide.

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There really is two ways to look at the monstrosity pictured here.  First off, if you want to throw a positive spin on things this could be one of the most well grown, healthy weeds ever!  The other side of course is that yes, I have totally been neglecting my garden (this particular beauty grew in one of the spots I don't really like weeding.  I shall dub said weed "The Opportunist").  I will be researching on line if there is a weed growing contest (no.... not that kinda weed) and if I can find one I will most certainly let this baby grow to its full potential.  If not I suppose I will have to get some full body armour to get it out!  Sucker looks mean!

Stop Being Judgy

For the record, I am not sure if "judgy" is a word but I am pretty sure "asshat" isn't either but who are we to say what the next best English word is anyway?  (I am almost certain it is NOT "selfie").

Back to judgy - Remember back in the day when moms used to pretend their world was wonderful and never, ever complained about their kids being lazy shitheads and they would never in a million years discuss their subsequent coping mechanisms (wine/spirits/moonshine)?   Back in  my day (not that long ago, really.  Fine - it was at least 15 years ago.  Whatever.) I distinctly recall saying accidently out loud that I really do get why some people: cuff their children, run off and join the circus, abandon ship or become shut ins and I very distinctly as well recall the horrified look on peoples faces.  What has she done?  Spoken out loud about what we have all thought from time to time?  (I would add my propensity for disliking stupid people but that would take a really long time to explain and a lot of back peddling so I will keep that to myself)   So here I am 15 years later and low and behold some people actually say this stuff out loud.  Really people, who hasn't wanted to give your dumb ass child a cuff in the back of the head once and awhile.  I am not talking abuse here - I am talking about the "what the heck did you do idiot"!  Who hasn't thought about "borrowing" your friends ex-husbands new mid-life crisis convertible and doing the Thelma and Louise (minus the dramatic ending of course)?  Come on people, stop denying that sometimes life gets the better of us and we want to run off and join the circus (of course a friend duly reminded me awhile ago that carnies do not have dental.  At. All.  Huge fault with the circus life proposal, just saying).  So the bottom line is it is all good and wonderful to watch someone struggle with parenting or child's behaviour and think that will never be you or your child is perfect and you will never have to deal with any of that but...... the only way you are not going to have to deal with the perils of parenting is to a) not have kids in the first place or b) send the little buggers to foreign boarding school and/or hire nannies like the rich and famous do because oh nelly, if your really lucky you get to have teenagers and they are what patience and the invention of alcohol are all about baby!

Sub-note to the English dictionary addendum - new word was recently added to my vocabulary from a friend who had to wait in line and be patient his entire life because his damn last name starts with Z (good move on his wife's part not to take that sucker when they got married because seriously waiting for the letter Z to come up is sooo  painful.)  Anyway, the Last Letter of the Alphabet Man introduced me to my new favourite name calling tag: Weaselshit.  Really!  It's an actual thing.  Weasels are mammals and therefore they must do their doody right?  Anyway, don't be surprised if you read this new, innovative name calling feature in posts to come! Can you just read it now: That little weaselshit...... oh my that's just brilliant.

Spring? Could it be you?

I don't want to get to carried away with things and jinx anything but I am almost certain that that giant orb in the sky might just be the sun?  It seems that as I get older I get less and less tolerant of the never ending crappy rain that we get ten months out of a year.  Now I know why all those white haired people head off every fall to warmer climates.

So with the onset of Spring comes the beginning of new sports and the end of others.  In the past I always looked forward to the end of one sport (the crazy ass, backstabbing, people hope your kid breaks his leg before tryouts sport is done - yes, I mean hockey!) and the beginning of another (the much more laid back, never up at 5 in the morning, cool parents with lots of beverages sport - of course, lacrosse!)  Upon reflection the other day I realized that this is now no longer the case.  Lacrosse season was once the breath of fresh air for me after a tense, time intensive hockey season.  Many laughs and beverages were had and it seemed that every lacrosse parent wanted every kid to play well and have a great time.  Now it seems that the "my Johnny is better than your Johnny" is coming to play as well as some of the immature high school games that people play.  (Remember when so and so would make up a story about so and so and then other so and so's decided that they were not going to be friends with the first so and so anymore?  Remember that bullshit?  I so seriously thought that crap was behind us all.  Whatever happened to adult conversation?  When did it become ok to hurt the kids involved as well?)  Don't get me wrong here, I have learned some pretty hard lessons in the kid world of hockey.  I have twice (yes, twice because I am a slow learner) thought people in hockey were friends (even so much that I invited them to my home) and then when tryout time came realized that they were perhaps not so much friends as foe.   When did all this stuff get so serious and catty?   In spite of all this I will still go and support my elfin money sucker and cheer on all the other peoples money suckers as well.  At the end of the day they are CHILDREN.  Is that the forest through the trees here?

Spring Break

Really, why do they call it Spring Break?  I'm certainly not getting a break and I am sure millions of other parents out there are mocking the "break" idea.  So what if the money suckers are on a break from school because they need a rest from the measly six hours a day that they go there to socialize and eat their lunches.  I think this should be called "Good Luck Finding Daycare" or "Mom, I'm Bored" weeks off.  I would as well like just a teeny, tiny bit of time in a room alone with the Short Sighted Loser who decided that Spring Break needed to be two weeks now instead of one because it saves the school districts money!  Really Mr. Loser!  I'm going to guess you don't have kids or they have long since graduated and you have forgotten how much fun it is to have them home for two long, painful weeks!  We are now into this fun and wonderful "break" for three days and I am ready to run off and join the circus.  Someone please come up with Spring Break Boarding School for Bored Boys.  I will write my check now!

When words can make you smile.....

I recently loaded a Dictionary App on my phone that gives me a wonderful word of the day.  It also tells me how to pronounce the word verbally and phonetically, which is a much needed tool even though English is suppose to be my first language.  I do love words, but yesterdays word of the day was so awesome I actually wrote it down so that I could share it.  Here it is:

 

Cockalorum (kok-uh-LAWR-uhm)  - definition: a self-important little man. 

 

Oh my goodness!  This one’s a keeper!

What's Wrong?

I recently read an article in O Magazine that changed my life!  It was so poignant that I thought I better write it down just in case I forget and need to reference the wisdom.  To start off I am well aware that I appear to be a “not gonna take your crap”, bitchy kinda gal and I do not proclaim myself to not be either of those things but I do, however have a serious facial deformity that sometimes gives off the impression that I am a cranky person all the time.  Facial deformity?  Yes.  Really.  It’s called a “Bitchy Resting Face” (I am totally not lying and I swear I did not make this up!)  Honestly when I read this I almost dropped the magazine!  All these years people have been asking me “What’s wrong?”  (Mostly people who haven’t figured out my facial expressions yet.  Those who know and love me have it all figured out and I don’t have to pretend to smile around them all the time just so they leave me the eff alone!)   In all honesty I call it my “Thinking Face” because for the bulk of my waking hours I am thinking about so much stuff my brain forgets to tell me to put on a smiley face for the crowd around me.  I take an awful lot of harassment when I watch tv.  I tend to really focus (if there is an actual story line to follow) and by the reaction I often get my tv watching face is more akin to “I Effen Hate You Face”.  Huh, who knew?  Apparently, according to the article, I am not the only one who has this issue.  Michelle Obama has been slammed for her glowering and the recent inductee into the Cullen vampire family, Kristen Stewart, has been trashed repeatedly for her unsmiley face.  So now that I have a name for my “affliction”  I am going to spend less time worrying about whether or not my facial expression is bothering people and more time trying to solve life’s little mysteries.