This could be the end....

Of me.....  Yup, signed up for my first ever spin class with one of my lax ladies.  We plan to spin before our money suckers game tonight.  I have, of course, spent at least the last thirty minutes obsessing about how yucky I will look (smell) during the entire game (fixed that persistent little ditty with plans for a "Mexican bath" - deodorant swiped on top of existing smell.  Should work.  I hope.)  Long story short - I have pre-booked an ambulance to stand by and will ask one of the other lax ladies to just keep the kid if I don't show up during or after the game.  I got this!  Or not.  Will report back tomorrow if I still resemble a functioning human.

The Public Biffy

This is one topic I could go on and on about but I will spare you all the gory details and focus on just one (or three) aspect(s) (this time).  This particular protest has to do with the size they make damn public washrooms!  Seriously, I am fully aware that I ain't getting any smaller but come on!  Once you get in the squishy little stall how do you get the darn door shut?  I  know you have all been there - running to the ladies room get in the stall and practically had to stand on the bloody toilet to get the door closed!  Don't even get me started on where to put all the crap we drag in there with us.  Shelves people.  Give us shelves! (or more hooks - whatever).  Our fellow "man" must have designed these things because common sense would say have the door open OUT.  Not only would that make it easier for us, with purses and potential shopping bags, to get IN but it will also be a better indicator to us upon walking in that the stall is free and available for use!  Oh, and how about making the toilet paper come out in more than one small square at a time increments?  Would that be so hard?  Put a little WD40 on the paper rollers people.  Its called Washroom Customer Service.  Should be mandatory!

Workout insanity? Yes!

I have to admit that this whole Mudder Madness thing is all consuming to the point of closely resembling symptoms of psychosis (insane, psychopathic, lunatic, mad, disturbed.... you get the point).  I now have less than three months to attempt to lift my own body weight (which I am embarrassed to admit I still cannot do!) and get myself into shape in order to run/walk/obstacle 19 kilometers.  I as well need to do this all without looking like a very old, fat chick with incredibly bad hair amongst my "team" of 20 year olds who will no doubt be running ahead mocking and snickering about my lack of fitness.  Oh the stress.  To make matters worse when I Google Mudder these are some of the messages I am getting:

If that isn't encouraging enough there is also this:

Which I entirely anticipate happening!

The Helicopter is coming.... The Helicopter is coming.....

I know you have all heard me harp on this topic before but in order to keep an accurate train of events for me, I have to reiterate some original points.  What the hell are we doing to this generation of children if we "helicopter" over them and never let them learn a single life lesson and also learn to deal with things on their own?  Are we setting ourselves up for "adult child management" for the rest of our lives? Can you imagine: Little Johnny goes to his first job and gets trashed by his boss and now we are making calls to his employer because we "just don't think his boss was being fair" (Oh, and don't forget to add that My Little Johnny's feelings got hurt too!).  What about when Little Johnny has a fight with his wife (that is assuming he has managed to find a girl, move out and get married)?  Is he going to run home to Mommy and have her deal with all his marital shit too?  Seriously?  Where does it end?  At what point do we let the "Little Johnny's" of the world take their lumps?  If we constantly hand hold and coddle the little buggars they are NEVER going to deal with the realities of life!  We are setting ourselves up for a generation of humans who are going to be medicated because they are "stressed" if they have to deal with any situation themselves.  I have heard a few times as of late that "my Little Johnny is only *insert age here*, and shouldn't have to deal with these things".  Guess what Helicopter Asshat - if you don't teach them to deal with shit when they are *insert age here* they are most certainly never going to be able to deal with the bigger shit when they get older.  Personally, I think by doing everything and dealing with everything for them you are stunting their growth (not to mention, in some cases, alienating them from their peers).  Parental disclaimer here: I to have driven the helicopter, especially with my first child.  It took me a few years to realize that I was raising a sheltered little girly boy and was doing the young lad a disservice.  So yes, guilty, that's why the youngest money sucker is raising himself.  So far, apart from a few hiccups, he seems to be doing an ok job. (Oh, and when his first boss yells at him and tells him his is incompetent, I expect he will just shrug his shoulder and keep on because it won't be anything he hasn't heard before!)

The Ultimate Challenge - Insanity? Yes!

Yes indeed, I am officially losing my mind (and seriously questioning my mental stability).  I made a commitment last week to join a team of Tough Mudders.  Not just any team - a team that consists entirely of 20 and 21 year olds!  In hindsight I wonder if they invited me to race so a) they look really good beside a fat, old gal or b) because it truly is fun to mock the weak!  How on earth I plan to do this I have no idea.  My upper body strength is nil (think struggling through maybe five girly push ups).  Hell, I don't even like carrying groceries into the house!  Five months to train!   I had to honestly admit to a friend today that, yes I am stressing out about this adventure but my first and most consuming concern is how bad my hair is going to look.  What does that tell ya?  I might just be a little out of my element.  I will keep you posted.

The Flu - Nature's Way of Kick Starting the New Years Diet Resolution

Seriously, kick starting the diet is the only good thing I can think of about having the damn flu.  Weight loss baby!  I am convinced I jinxed myself by saying to my sister (who was in week four of a nasty cold) "If I get sick I want the bloody flu so I can lose some weight!"  Ask and she shall receive!  So the last week and a half have been full of aches, pains and chills (oh, and my super warm, never wear out of the house, ugly sweater).  Loss of appetite happens to have come with the package so as long as I don't binge eat when I finally start to feel better, this has turned out to be an excellent way to start the New Year's Diet.   However, it is NOT a diet I would recommend.  It sucks.  My head is still foggy and I have this overwhelming feeling of not giving a shit about anything.  Giving a crap takes too much energy.  All I really want to do is nap.  Nap all day long with my new friend Nyquil.  I now have a new rule of course: "no flu blogging".  It is a necessary evil based on my lack of compassion and head fog.  Until then........ have a cawfee! (Sound it out people.  Or watch re-runs of Rent A Goalie.)