This is just the beginning of a rant like no others, hence the Part 1. In my world, there will be only "Enhanced" clothing. You have seen it out there already. Jeans with tummy control, tops with extra stretchy stuff in the middle to help you suck it in. Do I even need to mention Spanx? Why the heck do you think they used to wear girdles back in the day? Not to mention those great big ole skirts. It was simply to do what we want to now: suck in the tummy and let the junk be free to sway. My world clothing is all that and more! Every single article produced will suck in, tighten, firm up, and make you feel fabulous. Ok, some of us will not be able to breath but look at it this way, your yoga pants will feel magical when you get home! Heck, even the yoga pants will be comfortably enhanced in some way (just in case you have unexpected guests). Forget this dieting crap. Just wear the stuff that shows your good stuff not the fluff. Just think, you will put on your tushy and tummy control thong (or grannies depending on the day); matching "look 20 again", lift em up bra; tummy, breast enhancing top; and the hip, thigh, stomach, tushy AND ankle control pants or jeans and you will radiate self-esteem and get in touch with your inner "oh yah". You will never have to worry about looking good in your stuff again! Just make sure your shoes are outstanding and your bag is it and your good to go.
Oh, there will be a Buyer Caution on the packages ladies. Do not under any circumstances let your significant other actually see you naked. It will blow your cover. He will think you have lost 10 pounds all the while watching you stuff that chicken wing in like a football tailgater. He will never know as long as you don't give it up.
Bathing suits are a completely different story. Sadly, unless the brilliant genius behind the Spanx empire gets involved, bathing suits are a hopeless cause. I think that Cellulite Reduction Lighting will need to be installed at all pools. Beaches - I don't know. How about unless you are freaking perfect, you just stay away from the beach? Sand sucks anyway.
