Speaking Without Thinking

This summer we loaded up the truck and all went to our friends place for a week. (For anonymity purposes, we will call this place Tim Buck Too. Anyplace in Canada without a Tim Horton's is officially under the United Republic of Buck Too!) What follows is one of those blunders we all make ladies. You know it. It shall be called: "Speaking Without Thinking". Let me set the stage: its dark out and the four of us proceed outside (meaning the only four left out of the 9 of us who have any common sense. Although now in hindsite I question this.) We make sure the crazies are locked up in the house in various forms and we set up four lawn chairs in the front lawn to bask in the glow of the un-smogged up stars and quite peacefulness of our friends fabulous neighbours (who at this point I have to mention are all dead. Nope, not drive by dead, but seriously, they are all dead. The neighbours are currently residing in a very long term care home. Yup, a cemetery.) Back to me: I, in my glow of finally getting away from the Hormone Fest and "Dude, let's play Spiderman", sit in my appointed lawn chair and proceed to my happy place. At this point it's just three out of the four of us sitting in our lawn chair row as the fourth member is off running with the wild deer trying to over feed the poor suckers so they get fat and end up being laughed at by the deer in the next town over. (Better then being laughed at by the town "cougar" - and I mean cougar in the literal sense, not some old, hot chick). So I sit with my fellow man (really, a couple of guys - sometimes I am serious!) and proceed to tell my friend's husband that I love his wife. Cricket, Cricket (those are the noises that happen after I profess my love). I will admit at this point in the story that yes, you guessed it, I had had a couple of drinks and was in the "I LOVE YOU MAN" stage of alcoholism. You know it, it's that stage you go to in between: "I am just having one drink" and "You wanna argue that, cause I am way smarta than you!" (Please keep in mind that no matter how much liquid courage I have, I always only say what I really mean. I usually think first. Not so much in this case or I would have worded it a bit different.) I then proceed to try to explain myself in the most unsuccessful manner ever. I would like to think that if I had said that same thing and my audience was a couple of chicks, they would have gotten it. Right? No further explanation needed. Well the dudes look at me like I have made some life changing decision and have decided to play for the other team. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.) I think my friend's husband said something prolific like: Huh? He normally is a pretty witty dude. I must have thrown him off his game. Anyway, I try to explain myself in the most non-lesbian like manner possible. I try to point out to Mr. Huh that his wife is the most quirky, amazing person I have ever met and her enthusiasm for all things deer (oh, and shopping and boots and purses and dogs and oh you get it....) is so cool. No one I know is quite like her. She is contagious and passionate. Blank look still forthcoming from Mr. Huh and his co-hort. Uggg. Dug myself into a hole here. At this point they are BOTH staring at me like I am completely crazy. (Hey, just found out how to get a man's attention!) I look at those blank, empty eyed, had one to many beer faces and realize that they have most likely not heard a word I have said. They are both thinking about the two of us rolling around naked in a pit of (and I would like to say jello for the awesome effect here but alas that will not be the case!) beer and chicken wings! I continue with the "no really, ummm....." yes, I have lost them. They have gone to the other side. The three of us find a more neutral topic, like bad drivers, traffic or something mundane and all is well in Testosterone Town. Shortly thereafter my quirky deer loving friend bounces back all a glow because she saw a baby deer, a couple of neighbours dogs, a cat in the field, deer jumping, deer pooping, deer eating, oh another dog ("is it a stray? should I bring it home and let it sleep on my bed?") her current obsession: Twin deer Sparkle and Shimmer (yup, see what I mean by quirky, she names them!) Ah whatever, I think to myself. Men just don't get it.