So it sucks being a chick. Period (no pun intended). This is the way it is going to be in my world (I can hear the clickety, clack of chick shoes running to my side now). In my world every chick will get one day a month to call in “Bloated”. Really, shouldn’t we have some benefit to putting up with all the woman stuff we have to deal with? We should have one day to keep our cranky asses at home, wear ugly sweats and nap. It’s like rejuvenation time for our psyche and really it benefits all. The other side of the story here is you need to keep your water retaining, swear word shooting, evil ass at home because I, who happily medicate for this affliction, do not want to be near you so please, do us all a favour and take a day off.
Those of you dealing with the unpredictable, crappy, uncontrolled heat wave time we like to call menopause, you get to call in “Pissed Off”. You deserve it. You have gone all this time dealing with the trials and tribulations of being a woman and now this! What the hell? What happened to that saying “All good things come to those who wait?” That’s the biggest load of crap ever. So you wait 50 years to be cramp free and as a consolation prize you get to be more pissed off about nothing than you ever were before and sweating like a contestant from the Biggest Loser? This certainly has to be considered an injustice.
Of course after menopause you would think I would demand that the women resume a full work week and start sucking it up. Well, not so much. I have been told that after menopause you gain this new found sense of self I call: “Don’t Give A Shit What You Think”. So once you can prove that your post-menopausal you officially get to call in “Don’t care, not coming in, so fire my ass”. (I understand these titles will be difficult for HR forms but we can minimize them to DGASWYT or calling in fu for short.)
Men – sorry dudes you get to pee outside wherever and apparently whenever you want. You don’t get any special concessions. We might cut you a bit of slack if you extend our birthdays to birthweeks and you leave us the hell alone and don’t even look at us for one week a month AND do the housework. Each case will be carefully reviewed on an annual basis, however there will be no guarantees your request will be granted. It will obviously depend on the week you submit your request.
