Oh What the Hell, It's Christmas!

Normally I would write this post and file it somewhere, like in my "Things that piss me off folder" but honestly, I have been chuckling at my own inner commentary so much the last few hours that I simply have to share.  I will do my best to not hurt anyone's feelings.  (I also post for those of you who will read this and provide me with their own special opinion/commentary as well.)

I came home from work today to a relative just getting in her vehicle on her way out of my house.  After the usual pleasantries she informed me that she knows I don't let the kids drink apple juice or that orange, fake, sugar filled shit they pass off as "orange juice" (my words obviously) but she got the two family of 15 size jugs from a friend and she brought them over for the kids because, "hey, its Christmas."  In order to be as polite as possible all I could say was.... um nothing.  No, I did not say "Oh that's ok.  It is Christmas after all." or  "Oh thank you so much!"  I thought it best to keep my big mouth shut for a change.  It however, did not stop the sarcastic replies from spilling forth in my head.  Here are just a few (my apologies if any of these offend):

Oh, thank you so much!  Your right, it is Christmas and what a perfect time to not give a shit about what our kids drink."

Oh, thank you!  I love it when you obviously know we (not just me) don't buy shitty sugar filled drinks for our kids but do it anyway.  Heck, its Christmas.  Time of peace, joy and disrespect!

Oh, that is so awesome!  Now we won't have to buy milk for a week!

This was some of the 'other' stuff that popped in before I had even hit the front door:

Oh, I know you don't let the kids smoke pot and drink, but heck it's Christmas!

Oh, I know you don't let the kids do heroin or prescription drugs but heck it's Christmas!

I thought I was the picture of maturity keeping this all inside.  If I put too much thought into it I may go off on a rant about respect, or disrespect in this case, or maybe just enough respect to at least ASK first or even the very least ASK why we don't buy this stuff.  No, I am not the food and drink Nazi in the family but we all make choices as a family for good reasons.  A respectful person finds out why.

(I post this also because this has made me make a solemn promise to myself to always be respectful to the future parents in my life.  I will never do what I want and disrespect my children or niece as parents.  I will always ask before I take their kids out, give them candy and let them stay up till 2 am!)

The "G Rated" Hangover

The other night the young lad went to a movie night at his school and had the pleasure of being somewhat unsupervised by his parents.  With this new found freedom I expected him to behave appropriately (which he did) and make wise choices (which he didn’t).  The hyper, twitchy ball got in the car when we picked him up and promptly informed us that he had two Pepsi’s.  In his opening argument he stated that all they had left at the concession was Cream Soda (um, yuck) or Pepsi and he really didn’t finish the second one.  I am going to chalk this one up to not parenting properly and forgetting to expressly tell him to stay away from caffeine like products and make a mental note that the kid most likely thought he had won the lottery with this one.  Alas, the boy couldn’t sleep and I am pretty sure was doing his very best not to bing off the walls in his bedroom after he was put to bed.  He did call down an hour later and informed us that he couldn’t sleep.  He got the standard answer of “read a book”.  Reply went something like this (read sentence really fast for full effect) “I read a book, played cars, coloured some stuff, read another book, played on my Ipod and I still can’t sleep.”  All I could do was chuckle.

Best part?  When he got up in the morning he looked like he was at a frat party till 3:00 a.m. all chicken hairy and eye baggy.  All I said to him was “you know why your tired?”  He replied: “I’m not drinking Pepsi again.”  Chuckled all the way to work as I predict this will be the first of many times he will use that sentence.  Just replace the “Pepsi”.

The Ever Lovin Food Groups

If there is one thing I could request at Christmas (or any other time for that matter) it would be that chocolate be moved from the “Foods to Limit” category to the “Milk and Alternatives” section.  I don’t know about anyone else but I scoff at the suggested healthy alternative to chocolate.  If you want something sweet have a bowl of fruit salad.  Really?  You people know how long it takes to put together a fruit salad (I am just assuming here that they are not referring to the fruit salad that comes in a can that has one, yes one, cherry in the entire tin).  Washing, peeling, cutting, coring, chopping and subsequent washing of hands and multiple kitchen tools!  Seriously!  Want to see a Jerry Springer like chair throwing, I’m sleeping with your best friend and she’s having my baby act?  Tell a chick who is “craving” chocolate to have a fruit salad instead.  There is not enough medication or medical personnel to accommodate that scenario!  Not only that, chocolate has its own magical properties that simply cannot be replicated by a bowl of grapes!

So if I got my Christmas wish, my breakfast the last two days included a healthy diary product in the shape of ole St. Nick and quite a few of those, lets call them yogurt like, neatly filed After Eight mints.  Just add rum and eggnog and I have renewed my love for Christmas breakfasts.  Oh, and maybe a new wardrobe?  Ouch.

Change

Change is one of those things in life we essentially have no control over.  It’s gonna happen, whether we like it or not.  People change, grow and lose their marbles at alarming rates and we are powerless to stop it.  We all know the quote from the famous ogre Shrek “Change is good Donkey”, that being said I think one of the most important, life lessony aspects of change is fear.  People ultimately put off doing what is right for themselves because with the thought of change comes that underlying fear about making the wrong decision or taking the wrong steps and not being able to go back or in some cases worrying about how that change will affect others.  I have a friend right now who has made a huge, life altering decision to look fear in the face and finally put herself first, however uncomfortable or upsetting it may be for other people.  She is one courageous lady and in spite of how hard the last few months have been for her I admire how positive she has remained.  You go girl!

A Lesson in Humility

Humility – The state or quality of being humble; a feeling of one’s own insignificance.

I used to have a long standing tradition with my oldest son to take him shopping and then to the Christmas Bureau to donate gifts for other children at this time of year.  I started doing this with him when he was two years old.  We moved from that to filling shoe boxes full of small gifts for children overseas.  Then, somewhere in our busy lives we stopped doing both these things.  My goal in this was to instill in my son the humility and thoughtfulness that I see is lost in  young men today.  Compassion and generosity for others does not seem to be something that is a cherished personality trait in boys any more and I refused to have those qualities be missing from any young man I was raising.

This past month as I found myself lying awake at night wondering how I was going to pull off Christmas again with a Kraft Dinner budget and stressing about what I am going to get for everyone and what internal organ I could sell to buy said gifts, it occurred to me that I lost my way.  I had to remind myself that you are never to busy to take time out of your day to help those in need.  So….  I signed the older boy and I up to fill Christmas food hampers at our local Christmas bureau.  Yes, I expected some squawking from the boy about cutting into his Xbox time, however he just said, and I quote: “K”.  Not even ok or aww man or any of that.  Huh.  Boy passed first character test. 

So we head out to the church warehouse, meet the man in charge and get to work loading the tables up with the food that has been collected in the boxes for the “shoppers” to come around with each families list and fill the boxes.  Perfect job for Ms. OCD!  I get to stack and organize cans into their proper category and make everything all orderly and nice!  Loving it.  We do that for an hour then get delegated to “shopping” so the boy and I grab a cart and a family list and get to it.  Yup, had fun with this one too.  Every time we found something on the tables for a young kid on the list we celebrated (totally scored on the Chocolate Cheerios and Bear Paws – oh ya). 

I gotta tell ya that I have had more than a few moments lately where I have been surprised at how greedy and ungrateful  teenagers are.  So I wasn’t surprised when we got to the warehouse and found that there was only one other teenager there with her mom and grandmother.  BUT an hour later I was so humbled when a group of three teenage girls showed up to help (they were having a blast) and when we left a group of six teenage boys all piled out of one car and came in to help.  All is not lost in the world. 

I think both the boy and I learned a valuable lesson.  There are people out there who cannot afford to buy Chocolate Cheerios for their kids and are truly struggling to make ends meet.  The boy?  He passed a few more character tests with me that’s for sure.  Me?  I was truly speechless when we got in the car to head home (speechless is not something that happens often for me so it felt weird).  I realized that we both got a bit upset about there being no stewing tomatoes left and they were on our list.  Who would have thought stewing tomatoes would cause us both heartache?   I have had my slice of humble pie. 

So you find yourself caught up in all the Holiday Greed and lose sight of what it is all really about I urge you to take the time to do something kind for someone you don’t know.  Especially at this time of year.  It’s a perfect way to humble oneself and get a reality check.  Heck, bring a teenager.  Might bring on a new found character trait and start their year off with a little less of “what about me” and a little more of “what about others”  Oh, what the world could be!

Attention to Detail - Under Rated Life/Job Skill

Back in the day I worked with my pal Sam who, at any point in the work day, could be heard muttering under her breath “whatever happened to attention to detail?”  As the years went by I started to completely understand what she was going on about – those small details that some people are to “busy” to note or they are to “overwhelmed” to bother with.  You know the type – those harried co-workers who like to spend at least fourty minutes a day bitching about how busy they are and how they are soooo over worked and how they can’t get to their work (some even lodging these complaints as they put on their coats to go outside for their mandatory smoke break.  Gads!)  Yes, you know I have to say it: How about spending the fourty minute bitch time actually doing the work you are bitching about instead?  Hummm, novel idea.

The best one, and one of my listed peeves, are those people who are given a job or project at work and they use the excuse that they have to do this job “at the side of their desk”.  Really?  I have always wanted to ask these people why they can’t do the project in the middle of their desk since it’s clearly work they were given and clearly their boss/manager requires them to do it.  I am pretty sure the boss/manager doesn’t give a crap what part of your desk you do the work on as long as it gets done.  Wait…….  I think I went off.  Anyway, this whole thing came up today in particular because there were a couple of pleasant email in my inbox this morning that made me swear I could hear Sam two desks away going on about those details people so often don’t have time for:  Lets just say that before someone beaks off about a co-worker making mistakes and not doing their job properly one might want to spend a teeny, tiny bit of time checking that they are in fact right (and in this case looking at the spreadsheet that is dated December – not November) and let me just ask if anyone has ever received an email from someone who can clealy see your name embodied in your email address or in your signature line and they still spell your name wrong or type out a name that is completely different than the one you use every day?  Attention to detail or just not giving a crap?  Jury’s out.

Another Burning Question - not Christmas related

Ever think of a question that you absolutely need to know the answer to and are afraid to Google?  I have one and it’s one of those many questions that has been nagging at me incessantly and I can’t get it out of my head.  I have to put it out there just in case one of you happens to know the answer to this burning question and can help me get some rest.

What makes a guy going through medical school decide to be a gynecologist?  I have theories but I just can’t write them.  They all have pervert like tones to them. 

Anyone? 

Christmas Question?

If there really are eggs in eggnog can we drink it for breakfast?  Maybe have a little rum and eggnog with our toast in the morning? 

I knew I liked eggs.

Sarcasm at its finest.......

Well if this isn't the funniest thing ever.
Can't wait to use this one!

New Demographic Study

Ever since my stint into the world of Psychology (in university, not the loony bin) I have always created new, earth shattering, informational studies that I would do if   a) I had tons of money, b) I had tons of time to waste and c) I could care enough to see the study to the finish.  (oh and d) if the study would get published, of course.)  Throughout the years I have come up with some doozies.   My current obsession is a demographic study of all those tree loving, pot smokin, obviously brilliant tent dwellers down in the core of our city.  It's a simple, cost effective study really.  Just a couple of questions:
1. How did you get this much time off of work to stay in a tent downtown?
2. You what? Don't work? Well then.  Where do you get the money for your food and clothing (and ummm a lawyer)?
3. Welfare?  Really. 

If the answer to number 3 is in fact welfare then that means the rest of us non-tent dwellers are oh lets see - paying your lazy ass to be down there "making a difference"!  OH goodness.  How about you pack up your tents, clean up your mess and hustle your ass out of here or the gravy train we call free money that we work our asses off for (working for the "man" no less) is going to end. 

4.  Ever thought of getting a job?

Think this one will get published?

The Commute

I suppose I really don’t have that much to complain about with regard to my commute into work.  Although it is only 40 minutes of sheer frustration, it beats the hour and a half I used to have commuting to the big city.  Where the complaint lies is truly imbedded in the fact that I could probably pull off the 40 minute commute in 20 minutes or less if all the slow ass Sunday drivers will just get the hell outta the way!  (Yes, here we go again with me changing the world!)  New road rule people – if you are going to drive like a slug between the hours of 7 am and 10 am you MUST drive in the Geriatric Lane.  The rest of us who just want to get to where we are going will be in the Mach Four Racing lane.  You Geriatrics are NOT allowed in our lane.  Ever.  In our lane we are permitted to drive as fast as safely possible to get to our destination.  Dump trucks, semi trucks, slow ass cab drivers, people putting on make up or shaving and all other people who do not know how to use the gas pedal need to stay in the slower lane and/or get the hell outta the way.  Personally, I think this is a fantastic idea.  Think about how much better the morning and afternoon commutes will be?  Less time in the car, more time living.  It's win, win.  All those slow moving sloths will arrive to work in the morning without having had one person flip them the bird or frown at them as they attempt to pass.  What better way to start a day?  That and the rest of us just got 40 more minutes of doing what we want rather than sitting in our cars!

Sidney Crosby Sydrome

I have now officially discovered a new psychological illness for the big ole book of crazytown that the doctors use to diagnose psychological disorders.  I am sure my new found illness is just an updated form of some of the others listed such as the "Bobby Orr Syndrome" or the more well known "Wayne Gretzky Syndrome".  This new and improved problem duly dubbed "The Sidney Crosby Syndrome" is clearly a revised form with a more serious, pathological list of symptoms and consequences.  I would love to offer personal help to all the people afflicted with this disorder but alas I cannot be nice enough in this situation and nor do I want to be.  Here's my prescription: Get your head outta your ass!  You can spend all the money in the world, bribe (or sleep with) coaches, suck up to the right people, put your kid in every camp possible and guess what?  There is a really good chance your kid will NOT be the next Sidney Crosby.   Bottom line people - it doesn't matter where your kid plays, if he IS the next Sidney Crosby, people already know or are soon to find out.  I have seen things of late that only spell out a recipie for killing a kids love of the sport.  Oh, and guess what people?  They all end up in a Beer League somewhere.  All of them.

Road Trip of a Different Color

Road trip day one - Learned lesson number six thousand four hundred and eighty two: road trips are waaayyyy better and a whole lot more fun if you are not the manager of a team.  Oh. Ya. Baby.  Although we seemed to be experiencing some of the same reoccurring issues as past road trips (hotel rooms with paper thin walls, hotel staff putting one couple with no children on a floor with an entire hockey team - of nine and ten year olds, just to mention a few) I am lapping in the luxury of NOT having to deal with hotel management and parents who ask stupid questions.  This is the bomb.  I do believe that I have completely horrified my roommate just a tiny bit.  Pretty sure she thinks I am a raging alcoholic and maybe just a teeny bit crazy, but she seems to be dealing with it.  I will not embarrass myself.  I will not embarrass myself..... 

 

Road trip day two - up early, bright eyed, alert and ready for some hockey.  Have realized that my roommate is an excellent co-pilot and, although she has yet to confess, may have a teeny bit of the same neatness ocd gene hidden in her somewhere that I am becoming proud to be inflicted with.  I have found the perfect, tidy roommate.  Now to check her party tolerance levels.  Bunch of us went to "Oh My Aching Heart Lobster" for lunch.  That was fun.  Most likely will not be able to go there again without thinking about one of the young men jamming his finger up his nose at the table in the restaurant.  Um.  Dude.  We can see you!  Your lunch is coming!  Ah boys.  What can I say.

 

Road trip day two and a half - monsters swim, monsters eat, monsters swim again then the beloved lockdown of said monsters takes effect (lockdown at this point in the story is a funny play on words as the Coach the night before mistakenly called the hotel we were staying at San Quinten.  Turned out by the end of the trip we had dubbed the Warden as well!).  Movies and super healthy snacks (outright lie) are flowing so my roommate and I get the hell outta there in search of the parent party.  We creatively hid our beverages in coffee cups - brilliant idea I will take complete credit for - oh, except that after about five or six drinks the damn cup gets a little soggy.  Will be writing a note to Starbucks later to tell them to make better secondary beverage containers.  That letter will be followed by a letter to the law makers in the town we were staying in about the "alcohol in public" law.  Shit people, apparently you can walk all the hell over Vegas with open alcohol why not here?  If I can buy liquor at the freaking gas station or corner store why can't I enjoy it while sitting by the hotel pool.  Sorry....I story tangent diverted.  Back to the night:  Oh did we ever luck out in the parent department with this team!  Crazy Laughter Lady - who caused me to have a minor hernia from laughing so much - at her and with her.  A dad we now call Tiffany or Ficas - depending on which stolen and replaced elsewhere hotel item you saw him walking around with last.  The Chef, who we found out was an unassuming super cool chick who loves a good party!  My soul sister Statler was there in fine form with her wit and wisdom  Oh, and my young, almost underage, got id'd buying liquor roommate?  Holy Batman!  That girl can swill with the rest of us I tell ya.  I have not laughed that much in two short days I am pretty sure ever. 

 

Road trip day three - up early for the last hockey game.  Well it seemed early anyway what with going to bed at 1:30ish and the asshats next door getting up at 5:30.  I think there was a tumor growing directly behind my eyeballs for a few hours upon waking  (my Advil levitation technique was not working so I had to get up and take them manually!)  Hockey game rocked.  It was a great way to end the tournament and the weekend.  My kudos go out to the coaches and the manager (sucker!).  They were all amazing.  Greasy hangover food purchased shortly thereafter and we were off.  Back to reality.  The partay is over.  For now......  Oh and did I embarrass myself?  I am almost certain I did.  On more than one occasion.  But?  I was laughing to hard to care.

Reflection

This morning we sat and watched the remembrance of those who senselessly died on 9/11.  It was heartbreaking.

Two thousand, nine hundred and eighty three names.  Name after name.  Three hundred and fourty three of the old boys brothers.  We waited for the name of the 28 year old firefighter, Christian Michael Otto Regenhard, whose funeral, among many, the old boy went to and whose picture I look at every day while in my office.  Seeing the framed local newspaper article on the wall with this young mans face makes me remember every single day how real and tragic this was.  How much his family and brothers must miss him.  How sad it is that this young man will never get to experience all the joys life had yet to bring him.  Today he and all the others, will be remembered and mourned.  Today also makes me pause to think that this life is far to short.  Most of all it is far to short not to enjoy every single minute.  Even the tough ones.  The dark moments that you think you cannot get through and the times your heart is absolutely filled with joy - all these moment are worth living for and experiencing because two thousand, nine hundred and eighty three people had these moments stripped from them.  Who are we to complain?  Life is to short not to make every single second count.  To short not to remind yourself about the people you love, make decisions out of love and spend every moment possible doing what you love. 

The Interruption

Since this topic suddenly seems to be in the forefront of recent communications, I will have to address/subject you all to my opinion on this.  I have had some lengthy conversations as of late about the “interruption” and its various forms.  The way I see it, there are a few types of conversation interruptions.  With varying degrees of piss off when it should happen.   I welcome any comments on new or yet undiscovered methods of interruptions.

1.       The Hen – this is the type of interruption where you get a bunch of chicks together in one space and they all try to out talk each other, therefore each “story” takes about six hours to complete.  This type is even more chronic if the chicks involved have not seen each other for some time.  Like a week.  This one - not so bad and completely understandable.   Almost a necessity.

2.       The Holy Shit – this is one of the only times a conversation can/should be interrupted.  Car hurling at you and going to run you over? Big ass spider sitting on you?  Guy with an axe?  Interrupt away people.  These are good reasons.

3.       The Huh – this one is among my top 10.  What top 10?  How about things that piss me off.  This occurs when you are having a conversation with people and someone in the room interrupts your conversation with some obscure topic that has absolutely nothing to do with what is being talked about.  This type can also happen, apparently, when there are only a couple of people present.  When someone does this to you, they are just not interested in what you are saying and you obviously bore the living hell outta them.

4.       The What? – this borders on funny.  Unless you are the one talking – then not so funny.  This offence occurs when a person leaves the room, the people in the room are mid-conversation and the offender comes back in the room and, without bothering to look/hear if there is a conversation going on, gets all yelly and talks overtop of the people in the room.  Come on.  Really?

5.       The Are You Done? – this happens when a person finishes your sentences for you and does not bother to find out if that was what you were meaning to say.  Kinda a conversation stopper.  No?

I am sure there are more.  When did we all stop listening?   Isn’t there something to be said for a person who actually listens or shows an interest in what you are saying?  Maybe that’s why we all text, BBM and email so much.  No one wants to take the time to listen.  Sad really.   I think habitual interrupting is one of the most blatant forms of disrespect.  Even if your not interested in the rising cost of chicken feed or the inner workings of fuel injection, is it not respectful to at least listen?  Hell, we all might actually learn something if we just stop freakin talking and start freakin listening.

Oh Where Oh Where Did Summer Go?

Apparently it’s the end of summer and I have no idea where the time went.  None.  For the record I have spent the last few weeks celebrating stuff, reading (rocking the Game of Thrones series right now - all 6.2 thousand pages!), watching a ton of movies and not admitting my addiction to Plants vs Zombies (freakin game - could have written a novel in the amount of time I have spent killing little happy zombies!  I am such a loser.  I know).

I will have to confess that in my quest to get my fat ass back on the road and into my running shoes again I have started the P90X Massive, Muscle Meltdown.  My driving force behind this is to not create registered earthquakes when I hit the streets running (people around here are a little earthquake sensitive) and to not put pressure on the aging, running injured knees.  Think 747 with a Cessna landing.  Ouch.   Every time I pop one of the DVDs in and finish the crazy work out I literally run to the mirror to see if I look like one of the ripped, fit chicks working out with Tony (Mr. No Body Fat).  So far, after a few days, no change. Just really, really freakin sore.  Can’t walk down the stairs, get outta bed or lift my arms sore.  Epic soreness.  What do they say: No pain, no gain (baby).   No I will not be chronicling my workouts like some of those insane steroid monkeys do on their Facebook pages ("just going to crush my abs, just leaving to the gym to ruin my quads") I mean seriously if they spent less time on Facebook writing about their workouts they might have more time to look in the mirror and realize they look ridiculous!  No really dude.  Put your arms down.  I dare ya!

Laaaddddieeess Night (to read appropriately please sing. Out loud.)

Yes, tonight I am kicking the men out, sweeping up the dirt and the peanut casings and having the ladies over. I gotta call Ladies Night over here more often (even if I don't invite a single person) because it is akin to the Call of the Wild. Empty house. They could not get out of here fast enough. This never happens. Loving every moment here by myself and am even more looking forward to when the gaggle of gals gets here. I have plenty of drinks (you expected something different?) in various forms: fruity canned drinks, pina colada, strawberry daiquiris and some alcohol laden lemonade. Just realizing that's a lot of bevys for four people as Scrappy and Coaches First Wife don't drink (much? we will see ladies, we will see). I am positive that New York, Quarterback and Vincent (temporary name - story to follow - no she's not Italian, just in case you were wondering) can assist with drink tasting. Wait - why does it seem so less getto if we were sitting around sipping wine instead of various liquids from cans?  Whatever, we consider ourselves equal opportunity beverage tasters.

Girls night today, VEGAS tomorrow (baby).

Squirrel

This week Scrappy and I decided to get us and the boys together to hang out, so to speak. So after we had successfully "lost" the children we settled in for a good gab session. During our recent road trip we had a little running joke with some fellow chicks about people who interrupt conversations with bizarre, completely off topic comments. We likened this to the dog who is sitting there happily looking at you awaiting instructions with rapt attention then - bam - SQUIRREL! The dog and his attention are clearly gone. Now I am sure at this point in the story you would like me to tell you this is clearly a genetic, gender thing but alas I have a really good friend who happens to be a chick and also happens to have this Squirrel Disorder as well, so no, not a gender thing. Anyway, Scrappy and I are chatting away - actually, at this point in the story I am chatting. Or completely overtaking the whole conversation as it may, and I see her look off behind me. A LOT. I continue on - cause really what could it be? She does not interrupt. No, just keeps looking off behind me and she is starting to get a little squirmy in her seat. I stop talking. It's all she could do to not get all shouty and call out "SQUIRREL".

Funniest thing ever. It was an actual squirrel. Two feet away.

Now if there was ever a time to interrupt........

All in a drunkin days work?

Not so long ago I had one of the funniest things happened at work (ever so slightly funnier than a bomb scare? Oh yes. To me anyway.)  My co-worker, as discrete as possible, pops her head around the faux wall that separates the two of us and whispers “Are you all right?”  I am completely clued out.  I have no idea why she would ask me this so hesitatingly so I respond “Yes, why do you ask?” She replies, “I just got a whiff of alcohol from my desk and um, it seems to be coming from your side.”  My goodness – funniest thing ever. I had just spent about ten (figure of speech) minutes cleaning my computer keyboard with hand sanitizer (which I might add may or may not be a teeny bit ocd?). I explained what I was doing to my very skeptical looking work mate.  Even pulled out all the hand sanitizer soaked paper towels from my garbage for evidence.  Not sure she completely believed me but I left that day with a chuckle wondering if she "tossed" my desk to find the bottle of vodka or such before I had even gotten to my car.  Ha.  Not this time lady.  (For the record I do not drink and drive - ever.  However, if I ever amass a small fortune, I will hire a driver.  In that case I may or may not come to work with a "thermos".  Oh, and with that fortune I will buy some proper, non-smelly, desk and computer cleaner.  Just because I can.)

The Character Test

One of my friends has what he likes to call "The Character Test". He uses this test to rate the worthiness of the people he comes into contact with or people who are already in his life on a testing continuum. If a person fails one of his Character Tests then he makes the conscious choice to not continue entertaining a possible friendship with that person. I have to say that I admire this testing system but have often thought that if a chick uses the same type of test two things will happen: the test will change constantly (um, hello these are chicks we are talkin about here) and the whole notion of "holding a grudge" will suddenly appear. It is well known that us girl folk can hold colossal grudges (and I might mention remember every detail of any given offense) but is it the same as just protecting yourself and your family from people who don't pass the Character Test? As I get older I realize more and more that I don't have time for people who play games. One of my largest character tests is a person who only bothers to talk to you if they think they might either glean information from you, get something they need from you or talk to you just enough so you can hear all about them. It's taken me a while to recognize these people for who they really are but, again as I get older, I understand more and more the need to surround myself with people who have no motive and are real and genuine. At every opportunity I choose to be with people who pass my character tests. I have learned recently that the people you surround yourself with can also be extremely inspirational and supportive and those people are not only refreshing and truly amazing to be around but it is also not "work" to be with them. That being one of my next biggest character tests - if it feels like work just to be around someone, its just not worth the effort, I seriously have better relationships to invest my time in.

Now the question is to what extreme do you carry out these character tests? What if you have someone in your life that has otherwise, in every situation, passed the test but has now breeched security? Do you back off and step into acquaintance level of friendship in order to protect yourself? Do you tell the person you cannot trust them anymore with the details of your life or do you not pursue the relationship any more? I suppose I will have to solidify my own character test and weed out the more important offences and perhaps bounce a few ideas off a pack of those amazing people who have continually passed my character tests, as hopefully I have theirs.

Oh What Have I Done?

Ever celebrate the wrong way?  Do stuff that you know you shouldn't just cause your happy?  Celebrate things like getting stuff done on your "to do list"? Finally finishing a huge project? Breathing?  Ya, it seems I need a "celebration filter". I sit here right now with celebration remorse - for the love of the bathing suit, summer shorts and tank tops I chose to celebrate finally vacuuming up the piles of cat hair I have been complaining about. With what? Teen burger. Ok, and fries. Maybe a few onion rings. If it makes any difference I had a diet root beer. Diet people. Less calories. Why oh why do I do this to myself.  I need food aversion therapy! A calorie intervention! Stupid, stupid burgers. Honestly, for the calories I just consumed I could have had at least 10 light beer (just guessing) and at least the beer would have given me that false sense of skinny.

Back to the diet drawing board. I will should resolve to celebrate success in a different manner. Like going for a long satisfying run. And if you believe that you have completely lost your mind. Napping? Now that's what i'm talking bout!

The Travelling BBMers?

This summer we decided that since we were already one Province over, lets continue on and hit another Province.  This was a road trip like no other.  Three provinces later, a whole lotta road, a whole lotta road kill, killer freaking mosquitoes and some great laughs - we survived the trip - almost.

After we left Tournament Town we headed out in search of greener, stranger named pastures (pastures is actually a funny play on words!)  During the long, long drives we communicated between vehicles with our friends and tour guides who used to live in the yet uncharted Province.  Below is some of the communication between our vehicles (we may or may not have been getting a little punchy after watching miles and miles of flat land go by).

This is how some of the bbm communication went. The "squirrel" talk? Obviously the drivers.
Bbm: Was that a buffalo?
Bbm: Yes it was cool eh?
Bbm: Totally. Wait, holy shit was that a tree?
Squrrel: Why won't anyone pass this rv?
Bbm: We stopping to pee soon?
Bbm: There is a stop soon I think.
Bbm: Sweet, there a Timmy's?
Sq: We should be doing 140 on this road. What is that guy doing?
Bbm: No Timmys here.
Bbm: Your effin lying right?
Bbm: Nope.  No Timmy's.
Bbm: What the hell is wrong with your people? Frick, turn this truck around!
Bbm: I am sure you will live.
Sq: If that guy in the blue truck won't pass, no one can pass!
Bbm: Where are the malls? Or the corners?
Bbm: Deer!
Sq: Why can't that guy pass?
Bbm: Don't try to distract me from the obvious lack of coffee.  Deer.  Seriously.
Bbm: Where are the passing lanes?
Bbm: Wrong province.
Bbm: What? Why don't your people have/want passing lanes?
Bbm: To much road.  Have you noticed you can't see to the end of the road yet?
Bbm:  I need a drink.
Bbm: Me to. 
Bbm: When is the next stop? Town? Anything?
Bbm: Probably in a few hours. 
Bbm: Ah crap.

We landed in Outlook and spent two days eating and visiting new relatives.  Then on to Elbow and spent almost every minute either laughing, eating or drinking with more new relatives and a wild batch of crazy dogs.  Off to Saskatoon where we got a great tour of the city and our friends hometown.   I learned a valuable lesson about allergy medicine.  Oh. Yes. I. Did.  Then off to Edmonton.  Waterslides baby!

Next summer I call Ankle or maybe Knee?  Boo ya!

The Tournament

Well it seems I have misplaced my tournament rant notes. Not sure exactly where those went but here is the jist of what was coming:

A beautifully written letter to the tournament organizer thanking him for letting our merry band of misfits into his world class tournament as well as some special notes on how it appeared that some of the opposing players, who I might add were supposed to be no older than I believe 10, had full on beards and some reached heights of 5 and a half feet. (No worries, we did some knee cap damage so all was fair in lacrosse and war!).

A carefully crafted letter to the hotel we were staying in about the obvious discrimination between our parents and the other groups staying in the hotel. This one was kinda ugly so I was most likely not going to post anyway. I did however mention that the pictures of the pool on the hotel website were one of the biggest examples of false advertising I have ever seen and they might want to look at hiring real security, not mall cops!

All in all, the best part of the whole thing was chillin with the parents after the games!

Oh, and Coach - any time you are ready I have complied my top 100 reasons NOT to go on another road trip. I'm just sayin...

Not so funny, funny day

Today has been the oddest day. I was happily sitting at my desk at work this morning and noticed a bunch of people on the street corner waayyyy down below. Now this normally is not much of an occurrence worthy of watching however these people were all dressed like they were holding an annual meeting or some kind meeting right on the street corner. So I keep watching. And more people appear. Now I know at this point I should have been thinking something might be up but no – the first thing that popped into my head was “Cool – wonder if there is going to be a flash mob on the street corner?”

Not so much.

Turns out they were evacuating the building. Bomb scare. I was not overly alarmed until I looked out another window and saw that the street below was shut down and the dozen or so tiny little white cars belonged to the police. At that point all I could think was get me the eff outta here. I was ok until I got in the underground parking lot. Although there were a number of people getting in their cars and I was clearly not alone, I practically held my breath until I got out into the sunshine. What came over me was not calm. All I could think about where the tragic, post 911 black and white pictures we have in our home honoring the old boys “brothers”. Freaked me out. Whoever called that sucker in was a fool. It’s Tuesday dude. Try for a Friday next time. Or better yet find something else to do with your time for heavens sake, I got stuff to do.

Whatcha doin?

Ya, there is nothing worse than a good friend sending you the all important message: "Whatch doin?" ....... and having to answer honestly: Ummm watching Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition and eating a huge bag of popcorn.  Oh, and having a teeny tiny bit of wine to wash it down with. "Can you say - con tra diction?" Whatever, why is it I always get busted doing the contradiction mombo? Biggest Loser = chips? Guess what my "friend" (and I now use this term lightly) says next?  "Hey, wait a minute, are you not on a Pudge Loss Reduction Plan right now?" Yes, yes I am. Hag A Tha. Skinny Beee otch.

For the record - I am almost certain I burn off calories being pissed off. No?

Well wadda know....

So it’s the end of June no? One would think there would be a teeny glimmer of summer on its way. This must be some kinda sick joke on Mother Nature’s part. Listen Lady – it’s been raining for months! Let up all ready. What exactly do we have to “sacrifice” in order to get a little liquid gold? I’m all for throwing a few stupid people in the proverbial volcano. July is just around the corner so let’s get our summer on! Seriously.

Remember Murphy? Ya, well guess what I bought yesterday? Sunscreen. Now if that isn’t a slap in the face, I don’t know what is.
Mother Nature – 1
Me – 0

Tis the Season

As I get ready to pack for the ever lovin road trip that I swore up and down would not happen, I have to reflect on what an interesting season it has been. Although it’s not quite over yet, it seems that just when I think I have seen everything when it comes to managing a team – stuff comes up that I never in a million years could have anticipated. I can’t even begin to explain some of the “special circumstances” that have been spit in my face. That and I do not want to appear as if I am a gossipy, catty bitch. Bitch I am ok with. Catty – well sometimes. But gossipy – no. In light of all the drama that has gone on I realized that I have found, what I hope to be, some new lifelong friends.

The year started with a criminal act that brought a core group of us together. That’s when I first met Scrappy (her words really! Let me tell ya, the name fits!) This chick is as real as it comes. She does not mince her words this one. Calls it as she sees it and has had “my back” on a number of occasions. The universe sent this friend for a reason!

I had the opportunity to realize a person I have known for a few years is one of the most generous, kind chicks I know and I am happy to add her to my list of “people” – even though she likes those ugly, naked cats! It’s all I can do right now not to nickname her “Donut Dropper”.

One member was afforded the “Fat Ankle” award because as much as the rest of us wanted to find something wrong with her – dammit we couldn’t. Her picture is the one I will take to the plastic surgeon upon winning the lottery. She could have at least been a bitch once and a while so we had something to talk about.

This season also brought with it the opportunity to get to know people that we have been on teams with before. I am grateful for them all for they have definitely been there to help when it was needed.  New York even stuck around to help after being ripped a new one by a disrespectful so and so! Now that’s dedication.

I am also grateful for my friend, Coaches First Wife. What that lady puts up with every lacrosse season is beyond what I could deal with. Her and I missed an opportunity to become friends years ago (stupid boys) and now we need to make up for lost time. In a couple weeks time sista, the broken lawn mower will get fixed and your gardener will be back.

Mid year we had the pleasure of adding a new family to the team that helped top off the party. It’s like they were ment to be a part of our crazy group the whole time. They are both witty and funny and understand my sarcasm like I have known them for years. As it turns out one member of this duo is also an eloquent wordsmither who puts me to shame! I am completely in awe of her talent.

Coach and I – so far we have made it through the season with the both of us only quitting a half a dozen times (which is an all time record) and to boot we have not yet had a single fight (road trip forthcoming though so don’t hold your breath). I am certain he has called me all kinds of nasty names (not directly to me) but he has afforded me a great deal of respect and he remains one of my favourite people.

Oh and will I be chronicling the road trip again this year? Yes. I will do my best to post while away. At least then I will have two years worth of written ammunition to remind Coach about in my quest to never go on a road trip again. Or provide fodder for the next “what were you thinking” meeting over drinks.

Starting To Rethink This One

I am considering removing my February 4th post about the new and exciting lacrosse season.  I have honestly spent the last couple of weeks trying to decide whether I am going to rip my hair out or commit stress induced lacrosse stick homicide. Lacrosseaside? Honest to goodness if people could see some of the work (read: shit) that goes on in the background they would know why I have lost my sense of humor. On the plus side I have met a bunch of really great people that I hope to remain friends with for a long time and the kids on the team are an amazing group of little dudes. Most of the "bumps" I have to deal with this season I could have NEVER anticipated. It's certainly testing my inner strength.  However, you will all be happy to know I have not told a single person to Eff off.   Yet.

A Sign of Things to Come?

Today I got a little insight into what is to come for me when I get older.  Help me Rhonda - its a fuzzy, crazy place.  Here's how this scary depressing story goes:

Today I took my Mom out for lunch for Mother's day.  On the drive to the restaurant the topic of conversation started with bad drivers (dime a dozen where she lives) and then turned to teenage drivers, then on to first cars.  She then proceeded to talk all about how I used to drive her Chevy when I first got my license.  Momma say what?  Wake up lady! I NEVER drove her car as a kid.  EVER.  Did she have some kinda second family or something that she kept hidden in another neighbourhood?  Is that why she worked "shift" work throughout my entire childhood? 

So I ask my Mom of all remembered wisdom: What did I do with my Blue Honda Civic when I drove your Chevy?  This being the car I bought after getting my drivers license - mostly because I was my sister's birthing coach when she was pregnant with my niece and had to get my freaked out coaching ass to the hospital in time.  (THAT is another story and one which I should have written about shortly thereafter.  Would have certainly guaranteed I never had kids!)

Anyway, Smarty Momma Pants shrugs and says I dunno.  That's it?  I dunno.  Oh heaven help me is this what is going to happen to me?  As I age will I suddenly become the winner of some kinda Cool Mom Award?  But just in my head?  Will my kids just smile and think: Ah, moms going bonkers!  No point in arguing.

Can't wait to call my sister and tell her I got to drive Moms super cool Chevy II when I was in high school.  She is going to be soooo jealous.

Crazy, Angry Rager - All in a day.

It’s been an interesting couple of days for me thats for sure. I’m thinkin my meds must be crazy off right now. Rage? Yes. Cussing? Oh yes! Potential homicide. Almost. (With a shovel no less).

Started with a delusional grown man looking me right in the face and lying and then trying to back pedal when he was called on it. Then went to trying to find creative ways to deal with a conniving, criminal con “person” then topped off with a wack job neighbour who feels it’s just ok to destroy other people’s property (yes, mine). People wonder why I drink! I’m pretty sure it took three hours to calm down from all the events of just this one day. Wanna know what my reality check finally was? (it could not have come at a better time). The youngest lad and I went to the local pet store to pick up cat food and, as always, we grab the bag of food then spend at least a half an hour admiring the cats in the adoption centre. It was there that we met an older lady who was looking at the cats behind the glass. She was talking to her husband about the cats in detail and I could not help myself and said “Oh my goodness are you getting a new cat?” It was then that she told me that her beloved cat had died a couple of days ago and she was so heartbroken that she came to the pet store today, stood in front of the window of adoptive cats and cried for a half an hour. She went on to tell us that she felt so lonely without her cat and the house just seemed empty. Ah ya, me – crying. Yes. I’m a loser. I was so upset for her. We had a brief chat and then they let her and her husband into the adoption centre (which apparently is somewhat akin to a bank vault because I think the two of them had to do a fingerprint and retina scan before they were let in.) The pet store lady came out a bit later to talk to me and the young man and I told her “Do not let that lady leave this store without a cat!” She completely understood.

Hello – reality check here. You know what: Dude: lie away. I don’t care (just try not to hurt people with your pathological lying – like little kids). Crazy neighbour – whatever, its just my yard, the lawn and the trees you keep trying to destroy will grow back - eventually – if I get mad you win and your not winning.  (The Criminal is still un-nerving – will leave this one alone for now). Not angry anymore. Not when there is a kind lady out there grieving for her little buddy and I have two of my own.

Lesson of the day – lots of people suck. And then some don’t.

Ten Reasons Its ok to Drink (aka - ten reasons I drink)

Really, honestly I don’t drink that much. Not as much as I should really. In light of this I still feel compelled to let ya all know that there are some really good reasons I have developed a close personal relationship with a goose, a scantily clad grape and barley, wonderful barley.
1. Two teenagers. Really does the list need to go on from here?

2. One girl, four boys – three bathrooms.

3. Catty chicks, crazy neighbour ladies and bitches (three for one).

4. Kids sports – mostly parents of the kids in sports (psst – your kid is NOT the next Sidney)

5. Bad drivers - Hey AssHat its against the law to text and drive!

6. Liar, liar pants on fire.

7. Boys – yes, I said it.

8. Cellulite – really ladies – more you drink, less you have.

9. Sunshine – (no I will not add rainbows) Who doesn’t love to have a bevy when the sun finally comes out after months and months and months of freaking endless, relentless rain?

10. I am almost positive after a couple of cups you are skinnier.  Slender yes?

10.1  Teenagers – again. They are dumb. Seriously, find one who isn’t and I will retract. Oh and they smell. Did I mention they are not very smart? Yes. I. Think. I. Did.

Hockey Playoff Etiquette Reminder

Just in case you get all caught up in the frenzy of the playoffs and are thinking about donning that team jersey you bought at the arena last time you were there and had to many beers please refer to Blog entry dated April 15, 2010.  For the record, you can wear it at home while watching the game - and apparently if you are required to do a beer run between periods and don't have time to take it off.  Then, and only then, will you be given the Jersey Pass. 

Oh Stanley!

To Much Talking

I have often wondered (read: been annoyed by) people who talk to themselves. By this I do not mean the odd curse word spoken out loud or the occasional outburst of words (because seriously who hasn’t done that!). The type I am referring to talk to themselves the entire day! They talk to their computer, their stapler, while typing emails, to their lunch…. persistent, constant talking. Talky talk talk. All the time. I have wondered if these people just talk while someone is in the room so they can attract attention to themselves or if they talk out loud when the room is empty. Do they answer themselves? Is there other people in there? I once worked in an office where, in order to use the ladies room or leave the building you had to walk through a smaller inner office with three desks in it. One of the ladies in that area always seemed to be talking to her computer whenever one would pass through. It was all I could do to not cartoon pop back into that office after leaving just to see if she only talked to her computer when people passed through with the hopes that someone would stop, thinking they were talking to them. I just could not bring myself to do it, mostly because I thought it would be rude if someone asked me what the heck I was doing jumping around like a preschooler. How do you say I just wanted to see if Crazy Talker Lady only talks out loud when people pass through politely? What about the people who mumble something under their breath as you are walking out of the room and when you go back and say “Pardon Me?” they fumble about and say “Oh, nothing”. Oh nothing my hinney. You obviously had something to say you cowardly word slayer. Spill it. Wait, I have gone off. Whatever. Gives a whole new meaning to the overused saying “use your words”. In some cases I think it’s appropriate to frown first, words later. No?

Ever Heard That Saying...

Have you ever heard the saying: "There is one in every": (insert appropriate word here - like office, class, family, oh and TEAM)?  This is one of Murphy's most brutal laws.  Because its true in every case.  You know the story: everybody in said group gets along and is in perfect harmony with each other floating along having a good time then WHAPPO some inconsiderate, single minded, cranky person (insert appropriate curse word here to replace person) has to throw a wrench into things?  Sound familiar?  Like the crazy uncle who only shows up at Thanksgiving dinner, has to many glasses of wine and then starts telling made up family secrets to get eveyone mad at each other?  Or the bitch in the office who makes it her business to know everyone else's business?  Or the parent on a team who has to complain about every single thing?  Now where the hell is my clipboard?

Why oh why don't I take my own advice?

Ya, I have been missing in action.  Mostly because this lacrosse season is turning out to be a ton of work.  Guess what I have been doing?  No.  Can't figure it out?  Here's a hint: planning a freaking, stressful lacrosse road trip!  Yes you read that right.  I am subjecting myself to the pain and torture of yet another road trip.  A long one.  Far, far away.  Lots of driving.  Yippieee.  So looking forward to THAT (insert dripping sarcasm here).  I know I promised myself after the last road trip that this was the end of the Road Trip Fiasco's.  I even threatened our coach.  You might have figured out already that it did not work.  He is not afraid of me.  Hold the phone: just came up with a brilliant idea!  Maybe if I completely mis-manage and screw up all the planning for the road trip he won't want to do it again.   Hmmm, food for thought.

I am Canadian!

I think the picture says it all!

P.S. - no cats or beer were harmed in the taking of this photograph.

Let the new season begin!

We are on our way to a new and exciting lacrosse season. Try outs are starting and our house has turned into a sweat shop of activity. Protein shakes, early morning work outs and extensive training sessions have begun. Glass insurance has been secured and doubled (boarding up the windows with plywood didn’t work so increasing the glass insurance was the only other option). To small equipment has been replaced and new mouth guards are on the shopping list.

I have vowed to turn over a new leaf this year and try to be as professional a manager as possible. I already know what your all thinking: “Ha, that will last about two days!” Your wrong. This year if someone complains (bitches) about something I will be prepared. I am going to show up to every game, practice & team meeting with a special clipboard and writing implement to promptly shove in the complainers face and tell them if they don’t like it and feel they can do a better job then I would be so extremely grateful if they would shut up and take on the job themselves. It’s all fair and good to stand on the sidelines and bitch but I predict that most of the bitchees will not step up and do the actual work.  I will try my very best to do this in a very diplomatic, respectful manner.

My saving grace in this whole adventure is that the Head Coach is just as sarcastic as I am (if not more) and whenever I go off on a crazed tangent about an ‘issue’ (lets be honest here the issues are usually the parents) he either supports my decision to smack someone or calms me down enough that I will not end up on Jerry Springer’s first ever Sport Managers Gone Postal episode. However supportive Coach is I am already anticipating our first Manager – Coach argument:  The Road Trip.

NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN. Need I remind you of last year’s fiasco?

I will be calm, I will be calm, I will be calm.

I mean come on people its not the NLL were talking here (yet?).

I take it back - I do like stupid people

Ok, seriously, I know I used to say I was not a very big fan of stupid people but after reading these Facebook posts I think I might just change my mind:

And this one......

New Screws? (Post not rated R - Really!)

Today I read a report that Apple is putting new screws in it's most recent I Phones and I Pods so that independent companies cannot change the battery in their devices. This essentially forces a person to take their device back to Apple so they can charge you a ridiculous amount of money to put a new battery in. I myself researched the idea of getting a new battery put into my I Pod and was shocked to find that for a bit more money I could just buy a new one. What is that? Would this be the newest version of the old phrase “Putting the screws to ya”? How about we re-phrase to: “Putting the I Screws to ya”.

Ten Reasons Being Sick Sucks

1.  You can’t hear a damn thing – oh wait, this could be also on the not so bad list– which is to short to annoy people with.

2.  At any given moment you are nearly homicidal – just ask me one more time “whats wrong”.

3.  Your head is in a fog so much its like an unwelcome out of body experience.

4.  You lose the will to do your hair.

5.  You always, always gain the “sick weight” back with the “I feel sooo much better” comfort foods you stuff in after you start to feel better. 

6.  You can’t “cancel” everything and spend four days in bed.

7.  No matter how sick you are someone always seems to be way sicker and feel way worse than you (eh hem – men).

8.  You know deep down the germ infested toothbrush had better go but you are too lazy to get a new one.

9.  Your best impersonation of Rudolph the Snot Nosed Reindeer surfaces. (Is there a more sophisticated word for snot?  How about Mucus or Human Slime?).

10.  When your momma finds out you are sick she tells you to stay the hell away, she doesn’t need your ugly germs (she is still willing, however, to dispense the same advice year after year.  Vitamin C? ugggg)

The "Official" Most Depressing Day of the Year

You read that right.  Today is officially "Blue Monday".  Some brilliant person actually came up with a formula for todays date.  Here it is: "Weather, plus debt, minus salary, multiplied by the time since Christmas to the time since failure to fulfill New Year's resolutions."  They also go on to mention the effect of sunlight on the depression factor.  Hello.  This one was kinda a no brainer.  Of course by the third week of January all the bills from the Christmas overspending are coming in, we have already gone back to eating potato chips and drinking wine for our 8 p.m. snack and working out?  Please!  And the sun?  What freakin sun?

To add to this: some are going to get a monthly reminder of this when their newly signed gym membership bill comes in the mail or gets ripped from your account every month!  Shouldn't there be a Optimistic Idiot Clause in every gym contract signed in January?

And so the year begins....

Over the last couple of days I have to confess I am finding very little humor in anything. Crappy weather, not enough sleep, grumpy people, back to work, back to commuting to work, back to trying to find a parking spot at work, back to juggling three sports events in one day, back to the alarm going off at some nasty, unnatural hour and the cherry on top: back to trying to get the delinquents to do some homework. Seriously thinking of becoming a “nature journalist” whose central focus is, of course, warm climates and umbrella drinks. I have my Grump on that’s for sure. The running commentary going through my head right now involves some words I can’t say but they include I don’t give a fat flying…..

So if I am asked some time in the near future what I think of something, please don’t take my answer personally. There is a good chance I might just say what comes to mind and it isn’t looking to promising that it might be all sunshine and roses. Unless of course you are asking how I feel about having won the lottery. That will be a completely different answer. One can still hope, right? 

A Year In Review

The other night I recalled a message I posted last year around this time about how 2010 was going to be a great year and all that New Year’s pomp and circumstance. After I scoffed about that little prophecy (I am still not quite sure the year rocked like I had envisioned) I got to thinking about 2010. Of course, being the sarcastic human I was raised to be, I immediately went to some of the lessons I had the pleasure of learning throughout the last 12 months.  Here a just a few:

Friends are fleeting – it is important to always do a reality check and make sure the friends you keep are healthy for you and the relationships are not one sided.

People lie – yes, it’s true. Not only that, if you have someone in your life who is a liar I hate to break it to you, they will always, forever be liars.

Maturity is a perception – so many times in the past 12 months I have been reminded that the lessons we tell our preschoolers about telling on others, not acting like a whiner and treating people how you want to be treated are things that we may need to remind grown adults as well. Shocking revelation this one.

Just when you think humans are capable of change, they do something so epically stupid you are reminded that change is not an easy task to accomplish.

Racism is, has always been and always will continue to be ugly.  From what I have seen this past year my only hope is that at least some of the worlds children are being taught about the evils of racism and it will be those children who will run the world.  Really at the very least whatever happened to "walking in someones shoes".  Some parents should be seriously ashamed.  Remember do unto others?

Although I thought I had evolved mentally over the years, I am often reminded that I am going to be forced to repeat life’s lessons over and over and over until I learn the freakin lesson. Crap.

Boys – Ewwww. Need I say more?

The year also brought many moments that renewed my faith in all that is awesome. I cling to these memories as they are the only thing preventing me from running off and joining the circus.  Here is a few of the good ones:

Great times and conversations with friends and neighbours – including Martini sampler nights, crap we forgot to make dinner nights, amazing "what are we going to do when we win the lottery" conversations with the members of the "Street of Dreamers" and going for coffee/drinks and coming out many hours later.

A dear friends wedding – In this case, yes, love conquers all. Sappy, no?

The milestone of your teenager learning how to drive – yes, scary people (currently trying to find a loophole around the ‘experience driver’ not being drunk) but alas this is an exciting first step towards car buying and packing belongings in said car and getting their own place to stink up. Happy days are ahead.

Walking doggies in the river – Best. Thing. Ever. – cheapest therapy I know.

Friends discovering the amazing Blackberry Messenger.

The revolutionary E-Reader and all the books, fabulous books.

Finding little bits of joy in the simplest things, even when negativity attempts to squash all the joy.

Cats.
Sunshine.
Full tank of gas.
A hell, lets throw in a rainbow (martini) just to top things off.

Although there is much more, in both categories, this is what I can conjure up for now. Even though sarcasm reins and I anticipate the first part of 2011 to be a challenge, I am choosing to think that it is going to be a great year. Yes I am.