Can I Get A Do Over?

No posting since March?  Yes, that is right.  I have a hard time writing when fully embroiled in a shit storm.  Sarcasm turns into nasty negativity and no one wants to read that.  That said, it has been a super shitty year so far.   The entire freaking year.  If I could, I would formally request a Do Over, but alas that is not an option so I am choosing to look at next year with the most positive effing attitude that I can muster up.  (I would like to add there is one aside to this – the addition of a very special, super cute puppy.  He has been the one bright spot of happiness – with a teeny bit of stress attached.)  I have read many times that if humans lose hope they also lose their ability to let joy into their lives.  This I totally understand.  Once you lose hope that there is the possibility of change when times are tough, a sense of hopelessness most certainly follows.  It has taken me many months of trying to figure out how to handle all that has been dropped on me and it took quite some time before I realized that I cannot let myself lose hope that good things can and will happen.  Although part of me worries that I will need to have a Bury My Head in the Sand contingency plan, just in case I can’t find some sliver of happiness to look forward to, I will continue to delude myself into thinking that all will work out in the end. 

Until then, I will continue to try my best not to commit any justifiable crimes, run off and join the circus OR voluntarily commit myself.  A girls gotta have goals!

Thoughts on Loss

Losing things is just as certain as change.  Both propel us to deal with things that we sometimes do not want to deal with or are emotionally unprepared to handle.  Last week I suffered so many losses I was beginning to think the Universe was testing my resolve to keep afloat.  Grief is a strange emotion that always seems to follow loss but how is it possible to move through stages of grief when the losses are numbered?  In my case I tried really hard to just deal with one punch in the face by life at a time.  It was hard work.  It is certainly very easy to just curl up in a ball under the covers in your bed and hide.  Or, as many people do, medicate with alcohol or drugs to not deal at all.  As much as all I wanted to do, for at least a few days, is have myself a pity party and hide from life, I am not given that privilege.  Everyone in my life expects me to soldier on and maintain their level of comfort so as to not affect their lives with change or make them have to show any concern.  It is also a personality flaw on my part.  I call it one part – don’t like attention, another part – consistently be a human door mat for people.   This past week has taught me that yes, I can soldier through great losses and maintain my composure (read: don’t physically hurt anyone or tell people what I am really thinking)  and it has also taught me that the only person I can trust and rely on is myself.  Oh, and don’t get too comfortable because just when you think your life is rolling along just fine, the Universe decides to drop kick you back to reality.    On that note I leave you with a picture of Sammy.  The cat that was always mistaken for a kitten who just loved to be warm and never missed an opportunity to help you open a can of tuna! 

The Art of Continuing To Tidy Up, Again and Again

I am sure you are all now familiar with Marie Kondo’s Art of Tidying Up since her Netflix show came out and every radio station, magazine and social media site got wind of it.  I read her book last year and took a half-hearted stab at tidying up my life.  Keep in mind I am not a super messy person and probably fall on the low end of the hoarding scale however my home did not suddenly become the Japanese oasis that I longed for.  I set out to clean at least one cupboard in the kitchen a week and try to keep it that way.  I love having tidy, organized everything and the book did help me with giving myself permission to get rid of things that I don’t use.  I did NOT throw all the stuff in a garbage bag and send it to the landfill, as Ms. Kondo suggested in the book.  It goes against my moral compass to throw perfectly good things away that others could use.  To the donation centre we go!  Actually, on that note, since the Netflix series started there has, apparently, been a record number of household goods and clothing donated to local charities so one might say this Tidying Up Craze is a win for many people.  As usual I digress…. Back to me and my mess……  after about three weeks of cupboard/closet tidying, I gave up.  It also doesn’t go well if you are the only one super pumped about the tidying/super clean cupboards.  So frustrating to clean out a cupboard only to come home from work and find crap piled back in it!    This leads me to a few weeks ago when I heard on a couple of different radio stations about the Netflix shows so I got on board and watched one episode and fast forward watched a second.  This was an exercise in patience for me for sure.  All I wanted was for the homes of the people at the end to be so super tidy and zen like I would want to take a week off work and do this myself.  This is not what I got, at least in the two episodes I watched.  I found myself yelling at the people on the tv and telling them to damn well get over it and get rid of that book you have not read in ten years and most likely will not read again.  Seriously, the piles of clothing the people had when they dumped it all on their beds astounded me!  I would be lucky to fill half a twin size bed with my clothing, let alone a king size!  Anyway, I stopped watching and started organizing…. again… one drawer at a time. 

 

I get most of the concepts that Ms. Kondo describes although it would not fare well for me to have someone come home and see me talking to my things.  That would certainly be a one way trip to the psychiatric ward for this girl.   Oh, and I don’t care if my socks want to be respected and lie flat in my drawer.  Them bitches are being balled up together with their, hopefully matching, partner.  So much easier that way.  Sorry Marie!

 

(PS – I will most certainly NOT be reporting back on this one.  With four boy humans, two cats and now a dog there is not a hope in hatracks this will be a success!)