Crazy Animal Lady or There's No Damn Room in the Bed!

I titled this sucker about fifteen times before I settled on the above.  It still doesn't do the actual story justice.  You decide....

My pal Hawkgirl loves her dogs.  I don't just mean love I really mean love, love.  I am almost sure she loves animals more than people.  Any animal.  Going out in public with the woman is sometimes painful.  Picture her running up to a perfect stranger exclaiming: "Ohhhh, what a cute dog (cat, bird, skunk - whatever - insert animal here.) can I pet it"?  Then the crazy ass woman gets down to dog level (or cat or deer or .... well, you get it) and practically kisses the damn thing.  All I can think about when we go out is pleasssseee don't let us see some wack job with a emu on a leash.  THAT I won't be able to handle!  Most of the time I just keep walking when she practically french kisses other peoples pets right there on the street.  (Her family members are all nodding and smiling right now.  I guarantee it!)  Anyway, I sometimes wonder if her love of animals might go to far and apparently so does her poor husband.  Guy gets up before the birds, drives hours and hours to work a very long arduous shift and has the love and respect to send his wife a delicate piece of art to display how he was feeling one particular exhausting day.

For those of you who are not familiar with the finer points of Stick Art, the girl with the perfectly coiffed hair (and skirt? Seriously, who wears a skirt to bed?)  is my friend peacefully sleeping.  The tall dude wearing the diaper (Seriously again, you drew a diaper on yourself? Who does that?) is her wide awake husband.  Large item on the bottom is clearly a very huge dog.  What might surprise you however is the spiky thing in between them that is clearly pushing the sleepless fella out is not a porcupine.  No, just a little scruffy dog.  (Although in her case a porcupine would never be out of the question!)

Message to my pals sleep deprived husband - Dude, look at the picture again.... it's not the pets!  There is clearly someone sleeping smack in the middle of that king size and she's wearing a skirt!

An Evening in Pictures or in this case.... Picture

Not to long ago I had the pleasure of going to one of the local watering holes to support a school fundraiser.  I remember being very excited about this adventure first because I have a limited social life and don't get out much and second, I knew there was going to be a crowd of people that I had not seen in quite some time attending (oh, and thirdly to support the school).  We of course started celebrating the fact that we were even leaving the house for the night so arrived to said watering hole very late.  So late in fact that there was nary a place to sit when we arrived.  Not sure why, or if this is even a proven phenomena but it seems one drinks many more beverages when standing.  Maybe standing makes a person much more thirsty?  Any how, good times were had and it was great to see so many people I hadn't seen in a while.  Which leads me to the whole point of this post.  This evening I happened to be scrolling through the million photos on my phone (mostly cat photos I hate to admit.  Damn cat is soooo handsome!) and low and behold I found a photo of that night.  Viewer discretion is advised.....

(Ya, that's NOT my purse??? Huh?

 

When Talking To Yourself (Out Loud) Is Healthy

Ok, first off the heading is going to absolutely stun my long time friend and co-worker because the two of us worked with a bat shit crazy nut bar who not only talked to herself but she talked to her computer monitor, her stapler, her lunch and I am pretty sure a few imaginary friends.  (Note - we did not work in the same office with her for long.  Sure Lee and I made it our goal to make it her goal to find another office to temp at.  Statute of Limitations is done on that crime baby!)  This post does not apply to crazy people who need to be institutionalized.  It only applies to those of us who are crazy and manage to stay outta the bin. 

So when it is ok to talk out loud to yourself?  Well, I have been perusing the old Facebook as of late and the stuff that gets posted on there is sometimes nothing short of ridiculous.  Of course, I don't have three thousand friends and I am loser enough to have Runners World on my Facebook, however at least half the time I find myself scoffing and muttering "who gives a crap" or "really, someone give me my five seconds back that it took me to look at that post".   That got me to thinking that it might be all good and healthy to rant a little every day at Facebook.  It's far better than telling people what you really think when you get out into the big, big world.  (Rant at home people.  Not in the grocery store, the bank or seriously not in your car.  That's just dumb and you will get a ticket.  Big, ugly, expensive ticket!)  Think of it as therapy.  Really, really cheap therapy - of course as long as you don't rage out and chuck your phone or ipad.  (Don't do that either.)  Remember that old adage about the tree, the forest and people hearing the thing fall ...... or not hearing it?  Well this is the new tree/forest/hard of hearing thing: If the pissed off person yells at Facebook posts in their home does anyone know they are crazy?  I think not!  And hey, I didn't hear that tree fall, did you?

You Just Never Know People

I just finished reading the book All Fall Down by Jennifer Weiner and try as I might I can't get the premise of this one to stop making the synapses fire.   The basic jist of the book is a woman juggling a job, a sensitive, challenging child, a strained marriage and aging parents who need care (and in this case having to deal with a father with Alzheimer's and the struggle to put him in a care facility).  Well if that isn't enough for you she discovers how the prescription meds that her doctor prescribed her for a back injury makes the stress of everyday living so much easier.  Until it didn't.  What started out as a one pill in the morning to get the day started, turned into online ordering, thousands of dollars spent and many, many pills a day.  Rock bottom ensues.

There is a part in the book where the main character is in rehab and she says she understands why stressed out people turn to pills what she doesn't understand is why people don't.  Why isn't everyone taking pills to get through the day?  Heck, doctors prescribe the stuff.  She equates her addiction to pills as similar to the person who puts the kids to bed and can't get to the bottle of wine in the fridge fast enough.  It makes you wonder of course if we all have something in our lives that make that little voice in the back of your mind tell you that you absolutely need whatever it is (in my case definitely anything bad for me to eat.)  It also makes you wonder if addiction is more prevalent than we all think.  We have all heard the term "functional alcoholic" could there be "functional prescription medicationaholic"?  I know from experience with sleep medication (bad, bad stuff) that the cycle is horrible.  You take the pill to sleep one night and decide to not take it the next night because of the horrible way it made you feel in the morning only to spend hours stressing before bed and when you go to bed about not being able to sleep.  It is hard to make it stop (especially when you find something else that doesn't make you feel like you went to a frat party the night before).  All I could think about when I was reading this book is that it could happen to anyone and it might just be happening now to any number of the people I hold dear. 

In todays world, with all the crap we pile on ourselves and our children, it's no wonder rehab is a booming, for profit business.  On a lighter note I will be looking to see if there is stock I can buy in a rehab facility because hey, if you can't beat them, make money off them! (Totally just kidding.  Just watched a ton of episodes of Shark Tank and I as well keep thinking about money.  Oh, and food of course.  Oh, and the very expensive bottle of wine I have stashed away for Christmas.  Hmmmm)

See? What did I tell ya?

What have I been telling you guys all along? 

Hibernation - 1. to spend the winter in close quarters in a dormant condition. 2. to withdraw or be in seclusion, retire. 3. to winter in a place with a milder climate.

Any of those things sound like a plan right now?  Ok, I will write Webster's and have them take out the "close quarters" thing because no one but bears like that however there are some key words we need to pay attention to: retire and milder climate.  Makes you wonder if all those older folks who head off to Palm Springs and the like are on to something. 

Anyone in for regulated, mandatory hibernation?  How about when we get those two days of snow? Can we pull it off then?