GoatGate - The Next Crisis

Yup, you read that right.  GoatGate.  I am currently in the midst of a very large "disagreement" with Hawkgirl regarding the visiting of actual, live goats on my next visit to her home.   I started out being quite open to the idea of visiting the goats (coincidently, none of Hawkgirls family want to go with her to the "goat farm".  Should have been my first clue that something was amiss!) I really had this vision of being safely on the other side of a fence and admiring the goats from afar.  Alas, I was so wrong.  So, so wrong.  Apparently, Hawkgirl wants to "snuggle" with the goats!  What the hell?  Goats are:  smelly, bitey and grossly unpredictable creatures whom, I assume, eat anything!  They are land seagulls.  After explaining to Ms. Hawk that I had no interest in Googling goat bite medical procedures and post-goat visit hand hygiene protocol, she promptly informed me that she was re-evaluating our friendship (because clearly she loves all things animal and I love all things not smelly and bitey!)  I did, throughout the entire conversation have "I will not visit goats Sam I Am, not in a house, not with a mouse, not in a......" well you get it.  As soon as I was informed that I needed to pack old clothing on my vacation, I again protested.  What the hell?  No one wants to pack old clothing with the intention of getting dirty on their vacation (unless, of course, you dig that kinda thing, which is ridiculous!)

 IF Goatgate comes to a peaceful end I will report back.  IF I end up in the emergency room of the tiny hospital in Hawkgirls home town you can BET you will be hearing about it.  

This is NOT a PET!!!!

Advice From Hawkgirl

About two weeks into this whole working with real people thing, Hawkgirl decided to send me some advice about working in an office.  Rules to live by:

• Get flu shot (maybe a few other shots as well) (I figured she put this first because of my general dislike of germs and bodily fluids).
• Wear comfy shoes to and from work and leave a box under your desk with work shoes and comfy shoes so that you can change often.  (Side note: saves on storage space at home AND you are free to purchase new shoes and husbands will never know).
• Comfy clothes are a must.  Any kind of pants with stretch and a longer shirt in case of bloating throughout the day!  

The comfy shoes and clothing thing has definitely been an issue.  What fits in the morning does not necessarily fit in the afternoon after eating lunch and definitely becomes an issue if you are stuck sitting in traffic for an hour on your commute home!   I have two pairs of shoes that essentially go with every outfit stashed in my desk and a pair of runners so I don’t have to pack runners back and forth (for the gym, another story that is!).  When Hawkgirl sent this advice I assumed she meant shoe box with a couple of pairs of shoes.  She, however, was referring to a bankers box full of shoes for every season and every possible outfit.  She did send a picture that I was going to post with this but I don’t want to become the agent for potential marital therapy between the Hawk and her husband.   Not going to go there.

On another note, I met with some of my old co-workers from my last position and they were very curious as to my level of crazy about my new commute, working with people and germs.  I think I reassured them that I was still holding my own and had yet to run out of the building screaming.  So far.  First outbreak of some animal flu and I am ordering a hazmat suit on EBay.  

Goodbye My Mudder Friend

“Hey… how was Mudder this year?”  I am at a serious loss of words when it comes to this answer.  I have all kinds of swear words and exclamations of stupidity but honestly I cannot eloquently explain what an incredibly bad idea it is for old people (like me) to attempt Tough Mudder.  The course this year was muddier and definitely more challenging and, from what I could see, there were many more people walking around with injuries (except for one fella who broke his knee, all injured parties kept on plugging through the 20 km of pure hell).  It took about ten minutes after the start before I firmly decided that this would forever be my last Mudder.  I tried to embrace the experience and all that crap but after being in freezing cold water, knee high mud, blood sucking killer mosquitos and on and off rain for over five hours I lost my ability to be positive about enjoying anything.  Some idiot on the course started talking about a hot tub and that was all I could think of for at least two hours.   Why couldn’t they have an obstacle with a bloody hot tub?  Or warm, furry blankets?  Of course it did not help my situation at all that I fell off the back side of the Balls To The Wall obstacle and hurt myself (coincidentally this was the same place the fella broke his knee in within seconds of my fall so I do feel very grateful I just wounded my back and all my internal organs and did not break any bones.  Always something to be grateful for!)    Yes, I did finish (although I had to skip a few of the obstacles after my Humpty Dumpty off the wall) and that in itself is a huge accomplishment however my Muddering days are officially over.  Next year I am going to help coach.  That seems like a better idea for me.  Warm coat, dry clothing and beverages!  Sounds more like my activity level.