So I am sure there are things your mother told you as you were growing up that you just kinda shrugged your shoulders and made the “duhhh” face. The “hello lady, I already know that. Clearly that’s common sense.” Right? You know it. One of those little lessons from my mom was never, and I mean never, use your teeth to perform tasks that require brute strength. Like opening a jar or cracking a walnut. Understandably this lesson came straight from the woman who struggled to afford to ship me to the orthodontist for braces as a teenager. Got it mom. It’s in the bank. I won’t forget.
Well um, yesterday, I did forget and I am NOT calling my mom to hear: “I told you so” or to hear the horror in her voice. I have beaten myself up enough about it (not to mention getting a little slap from my dentist!). This is now yours. Laugh at me as you will.
To start off this little adventure to Stupidville, let me head it up by explaining that a neck guard is a piece of hockey equipment that is used to protect a hockey players neck in the event of a blade, stick or puck coming near that area. Our children are required to wear them if they play hockey. So keep in mind my attention to this piece of equipment could not be put off or ignored.
The youngest money sucking hockey player in our home had a game last night, far, far away (ok, it was an hour and a half drive one way – which is just plain ridiculous, anyway….) so upon realizing that his neck guard was still in need of repair and no time to buy a new one I decided to pull out my Susie Homemaker skills and sew the sucker up. I can hear you gasp. I know. I don’t sew (or iron but that’s another story). I did try to fix said neck guard with my tried and true method of all repairs - Glue. It didn’t work. Should be easy. I just have to sew this little square piece of Velcro back onto the neck guard. Few stitches here, few stitches there. Easy, peasy. Well crap. Do you think the needle would penetrate through the gazillion layers of fabric and Velcro? Notta! I had to use all my strength and a hard surface to drive the needle through. So after doing this a few times the top of the needle bends and won’t go through the fabric at all. Yes, this is the point in the story where I completely lost my mind. I have no idea what I was thinking. How could my teeth actually be stronger than all my upper body strength? I could almost hear my mother bitching at me as I tried to pull the needle out with my front tooth and yes, you know it. I chipped the damn thing (tooth not needle)! Gads. It was the tinest little pin chip but I could feel it and to me it felt like I had a spittin out the chew, redneck size crater in my front tooth. It was all I could do not to cry. Pretty sure the girl at the dentist office thought I had cracked the entire tooth because she got me in right away. The kind dentist fixed me up, only after giving me shit about it, and sent me on my way. I am positive they talked about “the stupid chick who chipped her tooth trying to sew a piece of hockey equipment” all day.
So loooong story really short: The neck guard repair cost me $145.00. A new neck guard? Probably $20.00.
Always listen to your mother (just none of you tell mine I said that).
