For The Love of Beer. A Reflective Essay.

I live in a wonderful land where craft beer establishments have become more common than Starbucks.  I absolutely LOVE good beer.  I mean love, love it.  I do not just like to have a cold one on a hot day but pretty much any time (Not at work for the record.  I have tried to get them to change the no drinking at work rules but, to date, they have not succumbed to my gentle suggestions.  I will continue the quest.  Oh and driving.  That’s out to.  I am not sure I would be a good driver after beer(s) and I don’t plan to test it out!)   If I were not so old I would become a craft beer making, hipster cicerone (for those that don’t know a cicerone is a professional beer person.  Or one who knows all things beer.)  Now that the local breweries are a part of my life I have a very difficult time drinking the other beer – the mass produced, yucky stuff that you can buy at pretty much any liquor store.  This new love has presented me with a few troubling issues.  First and foremost I am almost positive the beer has contributed to a fair amount of weight gain (That and the nachos.  Maybe.)  This in itself should make me hang my craft beer hat!  Secondly, craft beer tends to be a teeny bit (read much more) expensive than the other stuff so the purchases tend to be hidden away from the beer swilling money suckers and therefore most of the time it’s warm and requires planning/hiding the beer with the vegetables.  Of course there are the wonderful growlers you can get filled to take home but those baby's have to be consumed in a short period of time and that too requires planning!  The moral of the story is I again love, love something that doesn’t love me – beer, coffee, nachos, cheese, food…. You get what I am saying.  Googling moderation right now.    

Oh and for the record, this is no essay.  I have just always wanted to add that to the title of something.  This seemed like that time.

The Official Book Title

After a conducting a scattered, somewhat unbiased survey of my people over the past few weeks I have finally come up with the title of my first book.  The only reason I am posting this is so no super crafty author steals my idea and to make those who participated in the book title survey know they were a part of this earth shattering decision.  The official book title is……

Life Is To Short Not To Eat Grilled Cheese

Anyone who really knows me understands the title and, coincidently, the irony of this. 

This title covers three aspects of my world – At the beginning of 2017 I had a very rude wake up call that reminded me that life is, indeed, very short.  You never know when your time is up and you really need to live your life as if every day could be your last.  Deep, thought provoking shit.

The next earth shattering item is - I LOVE grilled cheeses and, it turns out, cheese.   (No, I did not spell cheeses wrong.  I call them grilled cheeses, plural, because only small people and birds eat just one grilled cheese.  Unless you cut it in half.  Then I suppose that is two grilled cheeses.)

The irony?  Quite a few months ago I began to research and put into practice a whole food, plant based diet (because well…. fat).  This is when I learned of my shocking codependency to cheese.  I am considering starting a Cheese Addicts Anonymous Support Group.  For those that might be mocking me right now, here is the Google definition of codependent behaviour - It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.  Well?  Not so crazy now am I?  I swear I have spent the last six months trying to break up with cheese and it has not been easy.  First off, I had no idea we were even in an unhealthy relationship!  Coffee – yes!  Beer – definitely yes! But cheese?  No way…..  (I believe the first step of any “program” is admitting you have a problem….Insert Admission here….)  Secondly, if I am not eating processed food, meat and dairy how is a girl supposed to have a decent sandwich?  Nachos?  Cheese and Crackers?  The list is endless. 

The dilemma here is… Life IS short.  I bloody well want my grilled cheeses!

(As an aside if you are now mocking me as well because of the plant based eating… shut your sugar laced pie hole.  Everyone can benefit from eating more fruit and vegetables.  And this comes from someone who previously seriously disliked vegetables.  Look it up.  Check it out.  Stop being such a hater….)

Winter Wardrobe

It’s winter.  Again.  There are a few wardrobe items I despise that are necessary winter wardrobe articles.  The first would be the warm, I can’t drive in this bitch, coat.  I have a 45 minute drive in the morning to work and the last thing I want to do is twitch about trying to get all my clothing layers just right so I can actually move my damn arms to steer the vehicle.  I always do a little happy dance when spring comes and I get to put the coat away.  Heck, I didn’t even NEED a coat until I started working far, far away!  One would not think the entire climate would be different than that of your home just a short 45 minute drive away (please keep in mind that the quoted drive time of 45 minutes all depends on traffic, accidents and stupid people.  The drive home?  Another story.) but alas the weather patterns of my work location are dramatically different than that of my home.  With the arctic temperatures and the fact that I have to park, what seems like, ten miles away, I would do without the coat all together. 

Next item up for burning?  Tights!  Not the tights you put on with a big comfy sweater and woolly socks to engage in a Netflix bingewatch.  These are not those.  The kind of tights I am talking about replaced nylons many years back (Because seriously? Who wears nylons anymore?) and they are a necessary item if you want to wear a skirt or dress during the cold winter months.  I freaking HATE tights.  (However just today I wondered if I would hate them less if I lost ten or so pounds, but that is another story altogether.)  Back to the hating…….  Oh tights… why do I hate thee?  Because unless I pull your tight ass top to just under my bra line you cannot/will not stop bloody rolling down to parts of my middle that really do not like being constricted.  Especially after lunch.  That and the seam on the bottom, that I assume is necessary, keeps sliding under my toes which forces me to take my shoes off constantly to drag the damn seam back to above my toes so I am not walking on a stupid, uncomfortable seam all day! (Okay, I will admit this one I will add to my list of “quirks” because no one else I have talked to seems to have the “seam under toe aggravation”).  Both of these add up to me constantly yanking on the top and the bottom of the winter wear.  Add a damn coat and I am a poster child for a twitchy, quirky mess.  Perhaps I should suggest living in a warmer climate where NONE of these clothing items are even needed.  Well….. then there are shorts…… and we all know how evil shorts are.

Un-Inspiration

It has been pointed out to me lately that I have been grossly neglecting my blog.  I have been, for the most part, uninspired and maybe a little head cobwebby when it comes to writing.  I have started many a post only to abort the mission because I just thought it was not full of the sarcasm and wit necessary to share.  I blame winter, craft beer and slow neurons. 

A lot has happened in the last few months….. one of the money suckers moved out of the house….  I know what you were thinking… Jail? Joined the circus?  No, the boy actually moved out in a grand gesture of adulthood and is, I am happy to report, still alive!  One down, two to go!  (Going to point out here that with said moving out I also got to welcome two new members to my tribe, one of whom it turns out is now on my list of favourite people ever and the other, my new Grandkitty, who does not like me because he is the orange, very large version of Grumpy Cat and we all know orange cats are soulless little devils, but I love him anyway! )

The youngest money sucker got a part time job and now officially has more money than me.  Of course the little buggar has no bills to speak of so can squirrel away all the cash he wants to.  I am choosing to think of his job at such a young age as a parenting win.  Gotta take them when I can.

It was a busy year with more travel, less time in arenas with catty ass sports parents and more time outside seeing the world.  It has been a year of insane reflection, some of those Oprah “Ah Ha” moments and a few disturbing seriouslys?? (one of which included a hospital visit that turned into a long term hotel stay, for reasons I hope to expel in a post titled “Yes, my Mother IS Crazy, Why Do You Ask?)

Most importantly I also found out this year that sometimes walking, not running, can heal your heart and calm your soul.   I have decided that 2018 will include more adventure, more uncomfortable shit that makes me grow as a person (and I don’t mean FAT, I can do that without any challenge at all!) and finding a way to make my life BIGGER (because sometimes “better” is too lofty a goal!)

This is my favourite picture of my Grandkitty.  I am not sure if this is a poultry stand
 off or a display of the fine art of Chicken Dance!
  Either way, this cat has attitude.  Just the way I like em.