The Report Back on Change

Honestly, change is unnerving.  I have never been afraid of change or resistant to change however there are times when it is nice to have not too many of them happen at the same time!  As humans, if we don’t adapt to change we honestly don’t have a chance because change is constant and our survival apparently depends on adapting!    The new job?  I am plugging along finding my way.  I am having a difficult time with the sarcasm/sense of humor thing here as it appears that most people in the new office take themselves and their jobs so seriously that even cracking a smile indicates weakness.  I will keep smiling at them.  I will either break them down or they will continue to ignore the crazy person who smiles at everyone!  I am certain there is a Sense of Humor filter at the elevators because there doesn’t seem to be much of that around either.  Or, I just have not found it yet!  (Maybe there is a secret club of happy people hiding out somewhere……  Geeze, I would even take sarcastically grumpy!) 

On a more positive note I am getting a lot more exercise at this new job.  The coffee is now way farther away and so is the ladies washroom.  A lot more steps being logged on the ole Fitbit!  (Which coincidently is being offset by the many options I now have to purchase lunch.  So yes to exercise, no to french fries!)  I am also learning a lot and this makes the neurons happy.  I believe I have dropped into a place where I will continue to be challenged and this helps me get out of bed in the morning and come to work!

I sense more changes on the horizon with friends and family so I am going to take one change at a time and roll with the punches.


Like they say…..  “Fake it till ya make it! “

(Quote brought to you mostly by my friend Amy who happens to be a very important lawyer who manages to be lawyerly AND have a wicked sense of humor so I know it can be done!  Even  though Michelle would not let her get the quote in tattoo form to pledge her allegiance to “faking it”!  Oh, Amy.... stop laughing...... some of us think you are a very important lawyer.  Heck, you passed the Bar and got a job!)

Same Question, Different Words...... Different words, Different Question? You Tell Me.

I was recently asked “What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?”.  If of course chuckled to myself because I had written a very scattered post with that very same title on February 7^th and, upon reading it back, it occurred to me the key word in that sentence is BE.  I wondered if my post and the question I had been asked should have be worded: “What do you want to DO when you grow up?  One tiny word changes that entire sentence.  Those two words made my February post so much more confusing as the answer to DO would clearly have been “own a craft brewery that serves nachos and write about it” (Please change nachos to Grilled Cheeses.  I changed my mind.  I can do that.)  However, the answer to BE from that post is “Thoughtful, Caring Human”.  Both of which are completely different.  One is a DO and one definitely is a BE.  In my jumbled mind, I had very much confused the two of them.  I now wish I had this epiphany a long, long time ago when I was asked the ever frustrating DO question and I stumbled upon no answer at all.  

I may, from this point on, focus on the BE and not the DO since, it seems, I am a long way from finding the true DO that suits my confusing personality, but I am definitely on my way to being the best BE I can (Yes, my Authentic, Sarcastic Self).  On that note,  I celebrate with those friends who feel they are truly DOING what they love and also celebrate those who live their authentic BE every day. 

Are you the best BE you can be?

(I was going to insert a nature picture of a BEE here but we all know what happens when I post nature pictures so, in order to save time and the hassle, I have decided against any BEE/nature photos at this time.)

A New Chapter

It is always nerve wracking starting something new or making major changes in your life.  In my case, I am the picture of confidence on the outside but inside I am a twirling, nervous mess.  Of course just until the “new” is not new anymore!   This is when I tend to lean on my crew for  reassurance that I am not going to screw up or make a horrible fool out of myself (hence the emergency Back Yard Book Club Meeting that was called!).  So, thus begins a new chapter in my illustrious career.  I am moving from the job that is far, far away to a new job that is much closer in location and, fingers crossed, going to keep the neurons hopping for an extended period of time!  When I am not stressing out about screwing up, I am super excited about the new challenge.  Fingers crossed (again) my new bosses understand sarcasm or I am going to have to a) tone it down a LOT and b) put them on a 12 week sarcasm training course!  All these changes come with the stress/sadness of leaving some of my people (to be fair…. one is leaving me.  Flying off to the desert to have a crazy work adventure).  I will forever be grateful that I got to work Far, Far Away.  I learned that working exclusively out of your home office is not healthy, I hate commuting and I am, apparently, nice to people (don’t tell anyone this… can’t ruin my reputation as a person who dislikes persons!).  I was told a long, long time ago that if you are not uncomfortable, you are not learning.  That’s all fine and good when your 20 years old but sometimes you just want your life to wear yoga pants – even just for a while!  I will, of course, report back on trying to keep my sarcasm at bay and how I am faring at the new job….. Until then in the world according to Shrek – “Change is good Donkey”

FOR THE RECORD.....

In order to squash the rumours I would like to formally indicate here that I have not joined a cult, secret society or radical sect.  I am fine.  Actually even better than fine (thank you very much).   I have also NOT become a Birkenstock wearing environmentalist, an animal activist or a hemp bag toting, no make up wearing, earth loving nut bar.  Please take a deep breath and relax……..  all I am doing is not eating meat.  It is not a big deal.  Millions of people do it.  I am not running off to the hills to grow a damn garden and live off the land.  I am JUST NOT EATING MEAT.  For the most part, people in my life don’t give a shit what I eat.  Some of them are even supportive and dare I say interested.  I have never in my life had to defend my eating choices.  Ever.  Not a single person ever asked me why I ate nachos, French fries and burgers (and I might add here none of those things are actually good for you!).  Having people question my eating of vegetables and other healthy food has been an extreme eye opener.  All I want to really say is that I am eating healthy out of a sheer selfish desire to be healthy (not to mention feel good and not add to my fat cell count and possible plaque hiding in my arteries).  I understand that the word “selfish” is in that sentence and most people find negative connotations with that word.  I understand as well that I may offend some people by this selfish, self-centered  desire to be healthy.  It really is, honestly, a choice that effects NO ONE except me.   On that note, I could see if I suddenly took up smoking…. then if people asked me what the hell I was thinking, I would get it, but meat?  Come on people!  Not only that I by no means push my “no longer eating meat” agenda on anyone!  I am super happy to talk about the new foods I have discovered and how suddenly the previously much hated vegetables taste amazing!    I have a ton of friends who don’t eat seafood, brussel sprouts, mushrooms…. the list goes on, but you don’t see me showing distain towards them because they don’t eat something that I like.  Nor would I harass them about it.  It just doesn’t effing matter.  When people ask me about why I don’t eat meat and am I suddenly weak with protein deficiency all I want to say is “I just don’t want to and really?  Educate yourself about protein!”  but alas I stumble about and try and “defend” myself which is uncomfortable and wrong.   I suppose at the end of the day those who applaud your decisions to be healthy are the ones who really want you to stick around longer than the ones who look at you sideways like you have joined a religious cult. 

This Is What It Has Come To......

This is soon to be the central focus of my wardrobe:

I can dress it up with a fancy necklace and blingy flip flops.  

*This post brought to you by the "after lunch uncomfortables" and or "water retention fun" 

The Last Road Trip

I have officially come to the end of an era.  This past weekend I went on my last sports related road trip with the youngest Money Sucker.  No, it was not bittersweet.  No, I did not relish all that was wonderful about sport road trips.  I did, however, have to remind myself over and over again that the pain and suffering I was going through was for the youngest fella, it was the last official time I would have to participate in the likes of this again AND I could now start spending bundles of money on road trips to places and during times I actually WANT to!  No more really scary motels with substandard cleaning practices.  No more dodgy buffet meals with a pack of idiot teenagers and definitely no long, painful drives to parts unknown with passengers who speak very little human.  Yes, the kid has his road trip memories for which I seriously doubt he will sit back and show appreciation to us for all the time and money spent to attend these memory makers!  I have no wistful feelings of how much I am going to miss these trips because, apart from the odd brewery trip or party with some of the sport parents, I am so ready to close the chapter on this book.  Let the real vacations begin!

Bathing Suit Shopping 2.0

Most women love to shop.  I am saying most because I, once upon a time, would go to the mall with a friend just to look at the new shoes and clothing, maybe grab a coffee and take my time looking at all the wonderful new fashions that came out each season.  I am not sure what happened but I now cannot stand shopping (I am going to blame kids for making shopping trips like a living hell AND for taking all your money).  I will now do hours’ worth of university paper writing, on line research first before I ever get in my car and go to a mall.  No, I don’t order the stuff on line because most of the time, as I have previously mentioned, the stuff looks wonderful on the models on line but when a real human tries the article on it is a scary nightmare (false advertising?).   In spite of all this I had to go out and buy a new bathing suit.  Just typing the words “shopping for a new bathing suit” make me shudder and whimper a little.  This was a necessary trip to the mall that took place just hours before leaving on Girls Weekend and because of this I was willing to go to the Gajillion Dollars for Very Little Fabric Swimsuit Store.  All I really needed, again, was a top that hid my stomach, made my boobs look fantastic (or like I even had any) and made me look super slim.  (PS – I would like a suit that also hides arm fat but that is called a turtle neck and I would have been laughed out of the spa!)  I found many a suit to try on and, after burning off at least a thousand calories and engaging in acts of shoulder dislocation just to get most of them off, I did find a top that covered most of the necessary bits.  The staff at We Will Take Your Gajillion Dollars for Fabric Scraps are extremely helpful and knowledgeable.  I would have been there for hours had I not gotten help.  I leave the shop with not only a bathing suit top but also Fat Hiding bathing suit shorts AND a much, much lighter wallet. 

Side bar – I have always been extremely self-conscious in a bathing suit.  Even before I started drinking craft beer and eating nachos – or had children.  Turns out the ladies at the spa (and even a few dudes) wear whatever the heck they want and let it all hang out.  Apparently it’s all about confidence and, I like to think, seriously not giving a fluff what other people think.  Way to go ladies out there rocking the bikini…… Mad respect!

Girls Weekend

Let me first start off by saying that although Girl’s Weekend has changed dramatically over the years, it is no less amazing now that we are older and allegedly wiser.  Girls weekend is, perhaps, a little more restful than ‘back in the day’.

'Haven" only when not cursing!

This past weekend I had the pleasure of going away to one of my favourite places in the entire world with a couple of my soul sisters.  It was quite possibly the most relaxing, stress free weekend I have had in a very long time (or ever, now that I am thinking about it!).  The three of us got along so well you would have thought we were roommates at one time.  It helped that we all have similar interests (reading, relaxing and people watching among the top three) and we are all pretty easy going and willing to just go with whatever plan happened to be decided upon.  Yes, gone are the days of going to the clubs and dancing until 2 am, eating pizza or hot dogs from the take out vendor who happened to be lucky enough to have license to be open after the bars closed and waking up with a killer headache/hangover only to stumble to the greasy, much needed, all day breakfast joint the next morning.  Now, as maturity sets in, the girl’s weekend consists of going to the spa for a much debated hot tub, cold tub, rest and repeat (It occurred to us after that this was probably a therapeutic load of nonsense and the staff at the spa most likely count their millions of dollars and watch all the idiots relax in the hot tub then silently scream in the freezing cold tub (or in my case yell out a curse word as quietly as humanly possible as I freak the eff out and run out of the damn spa version of Tough Mudders Artic Enema).

The retreat weekend also consisted of snacks (love snacks), walks (yes, in nature) and reading breaks that always started with good intentions and turned into girly gab sessions.    We all, of course, had a good laugh at the new, much more mature conversation that ensued – discussing what the hell is wrong with our children, our multitude of aches and pains and the various injustices of the world.  Not to be outdone by our younger, crazier selves I am happy to report that we did manage to commit a couple of crimes.  One wild illegal left hand turn on a highway AND a reprimand from the Silence Police at the Spa (Thanks for that Scrappy – pretty sure I won money in a bet for that one!)  Although Jack and I rolled our eyes every time we were yelled at to “Get in the photo!” we will be sincerely grateful to have pictures to look at years from now to remember this amazing weekend.

“Making Memories Ladies”

Theme song to follow……..

Habits - The Good, The Bad & The Unavoidable

I recently plowed through the book “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg.  It was a really interesting read.  I did however, like I am sure every other reader, expect this book to tell me: 

1. That everything I am currently doing is an endless series of bad habits and;

2. Creative, fun ways to change those bad habits.

This is what I was thinking would come of it: beer consuming = running; eating bad food = eating fruit and vegetables; sitting on couch watching endless hours of Netflix = going to the gym and actually exercising.  Not that I participate in ANY of those terrible behaviours, however….. what I did learn was that humans are predisposed to creating and maintaining all sorts of habits and once ingrained, we stop realizing the things we are doing are even habits.  Common everyday things like your morning routines, what you do when you come home from work and even where you walk your dog.  There were definite guidelines at the end of the book about how to change an existing habit by first finding out what is driving that habit (the reward) and what you are doing before you start the habit (the cue).  The trick is to change the routine that falls in between the cue and the reward.  Immediately I came up with the brilliant idea of  Cue – get on scale/cry; go for a run (routine); drink delicious beer (reward).  Sounds good to me however the “go for a run” portion almost never happens (read-never happens) so I need to find creative tools to change the habit before I have to buy larger clothing!  Is it defeating the purpose to have a beer as the reward?  Of course I have over-thought this since finishing the book.  What if it was a beer for every kilometer?  Can you bank the kilometers and have the reward all week?  For example, I could run a lofty half marathon every single Sunday and drink 21.5 beers the rest of the week!  Huh. That’s beer for thought. 

At the end of the day I learned an awful lot about human behaviour and that I should totally have considered studying/researching human behaviour.  This is truly a career I was built for.  I am a curious (all be it opinionated) person who enjoys research of all kinds and would love to delve into the inner workings of what exactly makes humans tick.  The study of habit is fascinating in that people all over the world have habits – some very, very bad habits and some not so bad.  How can you change the habits of an overweight, couch potato to an Ironman athlete?  Is there a simple formula for habit change?  The book did talk about drive and will power and the tenacity for change but how much or how little does a human need to make the change?  Goodness, so many questions….. that I will need to ponder over a beer of course because if nothing else my mind is running!

Question of the Day.... Again..... I Think?

So this morning on my long commute to work I realized a couple of things.  One about me and the other about society/people/bad drivers.  First off, I get absolutely tense and irritated when people don’t follow the rules of the damn road!  I find myself gritting my teeth and death gripping my steering wheel the entire drive.  The only thing that calms the inner beast down is coming up with creative road signs for stupid drivers.  (If you see a news story about poorly made cardboard signs appearing on the side of the highway, I confess, that was me.  The only thing stopping me from completing this task is having to get up at 3 am to put the signs on the side of the highway so I won’t get caught!)   First sign will say: “Slower traffic keep right is NOT a suggestion!!  It’s a rule asshole.” 

Secondly, I absolutely do not understand people and the psychology around the bad driver.  I swear I think they are the only ones on the road or they slept through certain sections of their drivers test!  Why do we not retest people!  Back in the day you could flash people with your headlights if they were driving slowly in the fast lane.  I am pretty sure there are so many stupid people out there in cars that if you flashed your lights at someone they wouldn’t have a clue what you were doing!  I propose that every five years, when you have to renew your drivers license, you take a little online test called "Are you an Idiot on the road?"  If you fail, you have to take driving lessons to keep your damn license.

This all leads me to this morning.  I had the misfortune of having to follow a jackass all the way down the highway who was driving along in THE FAST LANE all the bloody way!  I got to about ten minutes before my turn off on the highway before I could get in the SLOW LANE and pass her!  Worst part?  She FINALLY moved into the slow lane JUST BEFORE her exit off the highway (which coincidentally ended up being the exact same exit I was taking).  So as I take my exit and see her behind me it dawns on me that she is most likely going to the same place I am to work and this is my opportunity to ask someone why the hell they think it’s okay to block effing traffic all the bloody way down the highway and only change freaking lanes just before your exit???  Yes, I parked and sorta stalked the offending car/human as it parked.  It was everything I could do to not stand in front of her car and ask this burning question.  I am going with one of two things – she feels entitled to drive in whatever lane she wants, whenever she wants (even though she was NOT driving a Dodge pickup truck – because clearly if you drive one of those you are allowed to drive wherever you want all the time!) OR she is shit scared to change lanes (in which case get your fraidy cat ass into the slow lane and STAY there!). 

That is the question of the day:  What possesses people to drive in the fast lane, blocking traffic, all the way down the damn highway right up until they have to change lanes and exit?  (PS if you happen to be one of these people and are just now realizing that you have been pissing people off with your driving for YEARS I really want to know what the hell you are thinking and where you got your driver’s license!)

Googling “relaxation sounds for angry drivers” cd’s next.

For now I leave you with a picture of Kitty.  In all his sarcastic glory!  

The Dirty Minds of People

So on January 1st of this year I introduced you to my new Grandkitty in a very, now much talked about, picture.  This is that picture:

I happen to love this picture.  It shows how fearless Kitty (yes, his name is Kitty) is against any evil.  It also depicts that he is guarding his zen habitat from wicked poultry (see Buddha in background) and it has all the elements of a great story........

Ya, in this case I suppose I was not thinking about how other people would see this - those who immediately go to that dirty, dirty place in their minds.  Apparently there are alternate names for the two creatures in the pictures and sometimes those things come together to have "special time".  This I did not see...... others definitely did.  

I will "family friendly" up my nature pictures from this point on - or have those dirty minded friends look at them first before posting!

The Patch

The most recent invention idea for the perfect world is…. wait for it….. the food patch!  Seriously, I know what you are thinking.  I am not crazytalking with this one!  If you can wear a patch to stop smoking could we not wear a patch for eating high calorie bad (read: delicious) food?  I realize that smoking patches send in a monitored does of nicotine therefore reducing cravings but the new Food Patch (witty name pending – Fatty Fat Patch probably wouldn’t go over very well!) would be tailored specifically to your food cravings.  You could get a fried food patch, chips/salty food patch, candy/sweet patch, cheese patch, delicious thirst quenching beer patch…. You get it.  I suppose there would be a whole lotta science required and some subsequent testing needed after but who would seriously not run to the pharmacy and buy a box of these as soon as it hit the shelves? 

I am pretty sure I will be a bajillionaire with this one. 

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

This question has haunted me since childhood.  Truth be told, I still don’t know.  At this stage in the game I wonder if Filthy Rich Alcoholic is an option?  No?  Fine then.  There are days I consider dropping some of my morals and become a ruthless scam artist.  This sounds like an exciting career, however dangerous.  If I had my devious shit together years ago I could have become a very successful Cyber Scam Artist.  I break out in a sweat just thinking about what this would do to my conscious being.  I just cannot do it.  It is so seriously NOT like I got some kind of moral compass from my parental upbringing.  Honestly,  if I learned anything from my Frank Gallagher of a father it was “don’t get caught”.   One of his favourite sayings was “Do everything once and what you like go back to”.  Well if that isn’t the worst freaking advice for a kid.  Gee Dad, tried crack this weekend.  I think I like it!   It was straight common sense for my eight year old self to see that this was not the best parenting advice.  There are a million things a kid should never just “try” to see if they like it.  Steal a car, have unprotected ‘special time’, rob a bank….. I could go on forever. 

There have been times in my life where the question “What do you do?” really pisses me off.  It’s like your entire self-worth is completely wrapped up in what you do as a job, not who you are as a person.  There are people out in the world who judge others based solely on the job/career they have and not on if they are a decent human being.  It makes me crazy.  Whether you are a successful doctor or a janitor at a high school, does this mean you are any more or less worthy?  What about those who volunteer their time to help others?  Are they a more successful human than the mom who works making minimum wage at a grocery store, just making ends meet?  Who is the judge and jury?  Ourselves or others?   

This leads me back to the original question and the fact that I still have not figured this out.  I have had a few jobs over the years but none of the jobs are who I want to be.  I think I have narrowed it down to Filthy Rich, Slightly Dependent on Craft Beer/Cheese Author (or something to do with cellular biological research – yes, this is odd). I can see it now…. I would own a craft brewery that serves nachos and write about it.  Oh the bliss….   In all honesty I would be quite happy with Thoughtful, Caring Human.  What do you want to be? 

Gym Update

If you read the post with my heartfelt feelings about the gym at work (August 3, 2016), you will remember that I hate the gym and had really high hopes of the gym at work being a place where my fellow co-workers were one with exercise and maybe a tiny bit friendly  I was so, so wrong.  (Please keep in mind that I am not a “people” person so that I even give a shit that people are grumpy and rude is odd in itself.  I just think being a gym turd is so not necessary at work.)  Alas, that lasted a few months and I flipped the preverbal bird to the gym.  The people at the gym at lunch never became even remotely friendly and, in some cases, down right bitchy.

A few months ago now, a friend/co-worker suggested that we hit the gym after work (therefore extending my extra-long, painful work day).  I was not enthused at first however after a couple of weeks I realized that the lunch time bitches were not there, it was nice to go to the gym with someone who makes sure you don’t have a heart attack on the treadmill and it helps with the fatigue I experience after work (and stops me from falling asleep when I am driving home!).  The downside?  Apparently the “after work crowd” are super, bloody fit and I am, by far, the fattest hamster on the wheel.  No, it does not inspire me to work harder so please do not suggest that crap.  Even though I shed a fat, little tear every time I am there, I will continue on (mostly so I can get back to running on the road when winter finally passes) and so I can continue to think I can drink beer and the calories are negative because I worked out. 

For The Love of Beer. A Reflective Essay.

I live in a wonderful land where craft beer establishments have become more common than Starbucks.  I absolutely LOVE good beer.  I mean love, love it.  I do not just like to have a cold one on a hot day but pretty much any time (Not at work for the record.  I have tried to get them to change the no drinking at work rules but, to date, they have not succumbed to my gentle suggestions.  I will continue the quest.  Oh and driving.  That’s out to.  I am not sure I would be a good driver after beer(s) and I don’t plan to test it out!)   If I were not so old I would become a craft beer making, hipster cicerone (for those that don’t know a cicerone is a professional beer person.  Or one who knows all things beer.)  Now that the local breweries are a part of my life I have a very difficult time drinking the other beer – the mass produced, yucky stuff that you can buy at pretty much any liquor store.  This new love has presented me with a few troubling issues.  First and foremost I am almost positive the beer has contributed to a fair amount of weight gain (That and the nachos.  Maybe.)  This in itself should make me hang my craft beer hat!  Secondly, craft beer tends to be a teeny bit (read much more) expensive than the other stuff so the purchases tend to be hidden away from the beer swilling money suckers and therefore most of the time it’s warm and requires planning/hiding the beer with the vegetables.  Of course there are the wonderful growlers you can get filled to take home but those baby's have to be consumed in a short period of time and that too requires planning!  The moral of the story is I again love, love something that doesn’t love me – beer, coffee, nachos, cheese, food…. You get what I am saying.  Googling moderation right now.    

Oh and for the record, this is no essay.  I have just always wanted to add that to the title of something.  This seemed like that time.

The Official Book Title

After a conducting a scattered, somewhat unbiased survey of my people over the past few weeks I have finally come up with the title of my first book.  The only reason I am posting this is so no super crafty author steals my idea and to make those who participated in the book title survey know they were a part of this earth shattering decision.  The official book title is……

Life Is To Short Not To Eat Grilled Cheese

Anyone who really knows me understands the title and, coincidently, the irony of this. 

This title covers three aspects of my world – At the beginning of 2017 I had a very rude wake up call that reminded me that life is, indeed, very short.  You never know when your time is up and you really need to live your life as if every day could be your last.  Deep, thought provoking shit.

The next earth shattering item is - I LOVE grilled cheeses and, it turns out, cheese.   (No, I did not spell cheeses wrong.  I call them grilled cheeses, plural, because only small people and birds eat just one grilled cheese.  Unless you cut it in half.  Then I suppose that is two grilled cheeses.)

The irony?  Quite a few months ago I began to research and put into practice a whole food, plant based diet (because well…. fat).  This is when I learned of my shocking codependency to cheese.  I am considering starting a Cheese Addicts Anonymous Support Group.  For those that might be mocking me right now, here is the Google definition of codependent behaviour - It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.  Well?  Not so crazy now am I?  I swear I have spent the last six months trying to break up with cheese and it has not been easy.  First off, I had no idea we were even in an unhealthy relationship!  Coffee – yes!  Beer – definitely yes! But cheese?  No way…..  (I believe the first step of any “program” is admitting you have a problem….Insert Admission here….)  Secondly, if I am not eating processed food, meat and dairy how is a girl supposed to have a decent sandwich?  Nachos?  Cheese and Crackers?  The list is endless. 

The dilemma here is… Life IS short.  I bloody well want my grilled cheeses!

(As an aside if you are now mocking me as well because of the plant based eating… shut your sugar laced pie hole.  Everyone can benefit from eating more fruit and vegetables.  And this comes from someone who previously seriously disliked vegetables.  Look it up.  Check it out.  Stop being such a hater….)

Winter Wardrobe

It’s winter.  Again.  There are a few wardrobe items I despise that are necessary winter wardrobe articles.  The first would be the warm, I can’t drive in this bitch, coat.  I have a 45 minute drive in the morning to work and the last thing I want to do is twitch about trying to get all my clothing layers just right so I can actually move my damn arms to steer the vehicle.  I always do a little happy dance when spring comes and I get to put the coat away.  Heck, I didn’t even NEED a coat until I started working far, far away!  One would not think the entire climate would be different than that of your home just a short 45 minute drive away (please keep in mind that the quoted drive time of 45 minutes all depends on traffic, accidents and stupid people.  The drive home?  Another story.) but alas the weather patterns of my work location are dramatically different than that of my home.  With the arctic temperatures and the fact that I have to park, what seems like, ten miles away, I would do without the coat all together. 

Next item up for burning?  Tights!  Not the tights you put on with a big comfy sweater and woolly socks to engage in a Netflix bingewatch.  These are not those.  The kind of tights I am talking about replaced nylons many years back (Because seriously? Who wears nylons anymore?) and they are a necessary item if you want to wear a skirt or dress during the cold winter months.  I freaking HATE tights.  (However just today I wondered if I would hate them less if I lost ten or so pounds, but that is another story altogether.)  Back to the hating…….  Oh tights… why do I hate thee?  Because unless I pull your tight ass top to just under my bra line you cannot/will not stop bloody rolling down to parts of my middle that really do not like being constricted.  Especially after lunch.  That and the seam on the bottom, that I assume is necessary, keeps sliding under my toes which forces me to take my shoes off constantly to drag the damn seam back to above my toes so I am not walking on a stupid, uncomfortable seam all day! (Okay, I will admit this one I will add to my list of “quirks” because no one else I have talked to seems to have the “seam under toe aggravation”).  Both of these add up to me constantly yanking on the top and the bottom of the winter wear.  Add a damn coat and I am a poster child for a twitchy, quirky mess.  Perhaps I should suggest living in a warmer climate where NONE of these clothing items are even needed.  Well….. then there are shorts…… and we all know how evil shorts are.

Un-Inspiration

It has been pointed out to me lately that I have been grossly neglecting my blog.  I have been, for the most part, uninspired and maybe a little head cobwebby when it comes to writing.  I have started many a post only to abort the mission because I just thought it was not full of the sarcasm and wit necessary to share.  I blame winter, craft beer and slow neurons. 

A lot has happened in the last few months….. one of the money suckers moved out of the house….  I know what you were thinking… Jail? Joined the circus?  No, the boy actually moved out in a grand gesture of adulthood and is, I am happy to report, still alive!  One down, two to go!  (Going to point out here that with said moving out I also got to welcome two new members to my tribe, one of whom it turns out is now on my list of favourite people ever and the other, my new Grandkitty, who does not like me because he is the orange, very large version of Grumpy Cat and we all know orange cats are soulless little devils, but I love him anyway! )

The youngest money sucker got a part time job and now officially has more money than me.  Of course the little buggar has no bills to speak of so can squirrel away all the cash he wants to.  I am choosing to think of his job at such a young age as a parenting win.  Gotta take them when I can.

It was a busy year with more travel, less time in arenas with catty ass sports parents and more time outside seeing the world.  It has been a year of insane reflection, some of those Oprah “Ah Ha” moments and a few disturbing seriouslys?? (one of which included a hospital visit that turned into a long term hotel stay, for reasons I hope to expel in a post titled “Yes, my Mother IS Crazy, Why Do You Ask?)

Most importantly I also found out this year that sometimes walking, not running, can heal your heart and calm your soul.   I have decided that 2018 will include more adventure, more uncomfortable shit that makes me grow as a person (and I don’t mean FAT, I can do that without any challenge at all!) and finding a way to make my life BIGGER (because sometimes “better” is too lofty a goal!)

This is my favourite picture of my Grandkitty.  I am not sure if this is a poultry stand
 off or a display of the fine art of Chicken Dance!
  Either way, this cat has attitude.  Just the way I like em.