Laaaddddieeess Night (to read appropriately please sing. Out loud.)

Yes, tonight I am kicking the men out, sweeping up the dirt and the peanut casings and having the ladies over. I gotta call Ladies Night over here more often (even if I don't invite a single person) because it is akin to the Call of the Wild. Empty house. They could not get out of here fast enough. This never happens. Loving every moment here by myself and am even more looking forward to when the gaggle of gals gets here. I have plenty of drinks (you expected something different?) in various forms: fruity canned drinks, pina colada, strawberry daiquiris and some alcohol laden lemonade. Just realizing that's a lot of bevys for four people as Scrappy and Coaches First Wife don't drink (much? we will see ladies, we will see). I am positive that New York, Quarterback and Vincent (temporary name - story to follow - no she's not Italian, just in case you were wondering) can assist with drink tasting. Wait - why does it seem so less getto if we were sitting around sipping wine instead of various liquids from cans?  Whatever, we consider ourselves equal opportunity beverage tasters.

Girls night today, VEGAS tomorrow (baby).

Squirrel

This week Scrappy and I decided to get us and the boys together to hang out, so to speak. So after we had successfully "lost" the children we settled in for a good gab session. During our recent road trip we had a little running joke with some fellow chicks about people who interrupt conversations with bizarre, completely off topic comments. We likened this to the dog who is sitting there happily looking at you awaiting instructions with rapt attention then - bam - SQUIRREL! The dog and his attention are clearly gone. Now I am sure at this point in the story you would like me to tell you this is clearly a genetic, gender thing but alas I have a really good friend who happens to be a chick and also happens to have this Squirrel Disorder as well, so no, not a gender thing. Anyway, Scrappy and I are chatting away - actually, at this point in the story I am chatting. Or completely overtaking the whole conversation as it may, and I see her look off behind me. A LOT. I continue on - cause really what could it be? She does not interrupt. No, just keeps looking off behind me and she is starting to get a little squirmy in her seat. I stop talking. It's all she could do to not get all shouty and call out "SQUIRREL".

Funniest thing ever. It was an actual squirrel. Two feet away.

Now if there was ever a time to interrupt........

All in a drunkin days work?

Not so long ago I had one of the funniest things happened at work (ever so slightly funnier than a bomb scare? Oh yes. To me anyway.)  My co-worker, as discrete as possible, pops her head around the faux wall that separates the two of us and whispers “Are you all right?”  I am completely clued out.  I have no idea why she would ask me this so hesitatingly so I respond “Yes, why do you ask?” She replies, “I just got a whiff of alcohol from my desk and um, it seems to be coming from your side.”  My goodness – funniest thing ever. I had just spent about ten (figure of speech) minutes cleaning my computer keyboard with hand sanitizer (which I might add may or may not be a teeny bit ocd?). I explained what I was doing to my very skeptical looking work mate.  Even pulled out all the hand sanitizer soaked paper towels from my garbage for evidence.  Not sure she completely believed me but I left that day with a chuckle wondering if she "tossed" my desk to find the bottle of vodka or such before I had even gotten to my car.  Ha.  Not this time lady.  (For the record I do not drink and drive - ever.  However, if I ever amass a small fortune, I will hire a driver.  In that case I may or may not come to work with a "thermos".  Oh, and with that fortune I will buy some proper, non-smelly, desk and computer cleaner.  Just because I can.)

The Character Test

One of my friends has what he likes to call "The Character Test". He uses this test to rate the worthiness of the people he comes into contact with or people who are already in his life on a testing continuum. If a person fails one of his Character Tests then he makes the conscious choice to not continue entertaining a possible friendship with that person. I have to say that I admire this testing system but have often thought that if a chick uses the same type of test two things will happen: the test will change constantly (um, hello these are chicks we are talkin about here) and the whole notion of "holding a grudge" will suddenly appear. It is well known that us girl folk can hold colossal grudges (and I might mention remember every detail of any given offense) but is it the same as just protecting yourself and your family from people who don't pass the Character Test? As I get older I realize more and more that I don't have time for people who play games. One of my largest character tests is a person who only bothers to talk to you if they think they might either glean information from you, get something they need from you or talk to you just enough so you can hear all about them. It's taken me a while to recognize these people for who they really are but, again as I get older, I understand more and more the need to surround myself with people who have no motive and are real and genuine. At every opportunity I choose to be with people who pass my character tests. I have learned recently that the people you surround yourself with can also be extremely inspirational and supportive and those people are not only refreshing and truly amazing to be around but it is also not "work" to be with them. That being one of my next biggest character tests - if it feels like work just to be around someone, its just not worth the effort, I seriously have better relationships to invest my time in.

Now the question is to what extreme do you carry out these character tests? What if you have someone in your life that has otherwise, in every situation, passed the test but has now breeched security? Do you back off and step into acquaintance level of friendship in order to protect yourself? Do you tell the person you cannot trust them anymore with the details of your life or do you not pursue the relationship any more? I suppose I will have to solidify my own character test and weed out the more important offences and perhaps bounce a few ideas off a pack of those amazing people who have continually passed my character tests, as hopefully I have theirs.

Oh What Have I Done?

Ever celebrate the wrong way?  Do stuff that you know you shouldn't just cause your happy?  Celebrate things like getting stuff done on your "to do list"? Finally finishing a huge project? Breathing?  Ya, it seems I need a "celebration filter". I sit here right now with celebration remorse - for the love of the bathing suit, summer shorts and tank tops I chose to celebrate finally vacuuming up the piles of cat hair I have been complaining about. With what? Teen burger. Ok, and fries. Maybe a few onion rings. If it makes any difference I had a diet root beer. Diet people. Less calories. Why oh why do I do this to myself.  I need food aversion therapy! A calorie intervention! Stupid, stupid burgers. Honestly, for the calories I just consumed I could have had at least 10 light beer (just guessing) and at least the beer would have given me that false sense of skinny.

Back to the diet drawing board. I will should resolve to celebrate success in a different manner. Like going for a long satisfying run. And if you believe that you have completely lost your mind. Napping? Now that's what i'm talking bout!

The Travelling BBMers?

This summer we decided that since we were already one Province over, lets continue on and hit another Province.  This was a road trip like no other.  Three provinces later, a whole lotta road, a whole lotta road kill, killer freaking mosquitoes and some great laughs - we survived the trip - almost.

After we left Tournament Town we headed out in search of greener, stranger named pastures (pastures is actually a funny play on words!)  During the long, long drives we communicated between vehicles with our friends and tour guides who used to live in the yet uncharted Province.  Below is some of the communication between our vehicles (we may or may not have been getting a little punchy after watching miles and miles of flat land go by).

This is how some of the bbm communication went. The "squirrel" talk? Obviously the drivers.
Bbm: Was that a buffalo?
Bbm: Yes it was cool eh?
Bbm: Totally. Wait, holy shit was that a tree?
Squrrel: Why won't anyone pass this rv?
Bbm: We stopping to pee soon?
Bbm: There is a stop soon I think.
Bbm: Sweet, there a Timmy's?
Sq: We should be doing 140 on this road. What is that guy doing?
Bbm: No Timmys here.
Bbm: Your effin lying right?
Bbm: Nope.  No Timmy's.
Bbm: What the hell is wrong with your people? Frick, turn this truck around!
Bbm: I am sure you will live.
Sq: If that guy in the blue truck won't pass, no one can pass!
Bbm: Where are the malls? Or the corners?
Bbm: Deer!
Sq: Why can't that guy pass?
Bbm: Don't try to distract me from the obvious lack of coffee.  Deer.  Seriously.
Bbm: Where are the passing lanes?
Bbm: Wrong province.
Bbm: What? Why don't your people have/want passing lanes?
Bbm: To much road.  Have you noticed you can't see to the end of the road yet?
Bbm:  I need a drink.
Bbm: Me to. 
Bbm: When is the next stop? Town? Anything?
Bbm: Probably in a few hours. 
Bbm: Ah crap.

We landed in Outlook and spent two days eating and visiting new relatives.  Then on to Elbow and spent almost every minute either laughing, eating or drinking with more new relatives and a wild batch of crazy dogs.  Off to Saskatoon where we got a great tour of the city and our friends hometown.   I learned a valuable lesson about allergy medicine.  Oh. Yes. I. Did.  Then off to Edmonton.  Waterslides baby!

Next summer I call Ankle or maybe Knee?  Boo ya!

The Tournament

Well it seems I have misplaced my tournament rant notes. Not sure exactly where those went but here is the jist of what was coming:

A beautifully written letter to the tournament organizer thanking him for letting our merry band of misfits into his world class tournament as well as some special notes on how it appeared that some of the opposing players, who I might add were supposed to be no older than I believe 10, had full on beards and some reached heights of 5 and a half feet. (No worries, we did some knee cap damage so all was fair in lacrosse and war!).

A carefully crafted letter to the hotel we were staying in about the obvious discrimination between our parents and the other groups staying in the hotel. This one was kinda ugly so I was most likely not going to post anyway. I did however mention that the pictures of the pool on the hotel website were one of the biggest examples of false advertising I have ever seen and they might want to look at hiring real security, not mall cops!

All in all, the best part of the whole thing was chillin with the parents after the games!

Oh, and Coach - any time you are ready I have complied my top 100 reasons NOT to go on another road trip. I'm just sayin...