The "Running Rookie"
I am calling Lady Gazelle the "running rookie" here, this one time only for a chuckle, because this lady is no rookie. She is a genuine athlete. She does all types of athletic crazy shit like ride a bike for hours and hours (sore sit bones? yes?) and swim (yes, swim! Crazy as that is the woman willingly puts on a bathing suit and goes in actual water to exercise! Swimming to me is strictly a matter of surviving if I ever find myself in water larger than a puddle. I don't even call it "swimming" I call it "get me the heck outta here before my hair gets wet".) So me: Uncoordinated running turtle. Lady Gazelle: Triathlete super freak. It's just a matter of time before she pats me on the head at the beginning of the run and continues on with the other, long legged, accomplished runners. Anyway, I am telling my rookie story because this may be the one and only time I can call her this and it was a funny story to tell over beers the night of the run......
Last weekend I left the route up to Gazelle. We were scheduled to run one more kilometer than the week before so 11 long, arduous kilometers. My brain was so completely focused on just getting through 11 that when I was so informed that the route she had planned could take us over that I pretty much said "this body is stopping at 11" (I literally could visualize myself, mid trail, stopping and pitching a three year old, all out legs flaying, arm swinging, hissy fit). My partner so informed me that I was welcome to stop at 11 but I was still going to need to get my fat ass off the trail and back to the vehicle so I better just suck it up and get it done. Well I'll be a monkeys uncle. The honeymoon is over. Gazelle is turning into a bossy, "gonna put hills in this route" running freak! Well, we got it done. Some parts being harder than others - like the freaking mountain ranges we had to climb. We finished with a distance of 12.5 kilometers. Lesson learned: Never let the Overly Enthusiastic Running Rookie pick the route. Side bar: Running sucks. Finishing a run is the most amazing thing ever!
I Am Sure There Are Worse Things To Obsess Over??
I may or may not have a few "quirks" that I will completely deny if asked about. Okay, I don't actually give a fat flyer if people know about some of them. One of my quirks is my teeth. Yes, If I could stand to look inside peoples mouths I would have become a dentist or an orthodontist. Problem with this career was clearly the teeth are attached to people and I don't want to particularly have to deal with the people attached to the teeth. If one could take the teeth out and leave them in a lab for me to fix and make pretty, I am all in. That and don't forget that I am not all that much a fan of any type of bodily fluid. Saliva qualifies as bodily fluid so this career got the red slash right away. Anyway, back to my issue. I am one of those freaks who love to go to the dentist for a cleaning (not for all that scraping shit, just for the clean teeth!) If I could, I would get my teeth cleaned once a month. I quite possibly over-brush my teeth because I can't stand furry teeth. This blither leads me to last night. I take the youngest to one of his gagillion practices and go into the arena to watch a bit of a game when I think to myself - "Damn, I have a piece of popcorn husk stuck in my tooth. Damn that's a big piece of popcorn." (Side note: I had popcorn for dinner, so alarm bells were not ringing. YET). I start walking to the ladies room and pulled the popcorn piece out and almost lost my mind! I was standing in the lobby of the arena holding half of my freaking tooth! In my hand! I then, as you can imagine started freaking out! My tooth! What the hell. Is the dentist working at 9:00 at night? Can I Google him and find out where he lives? Oh crap. Well, it turns out half the crown I had on that tooth decided to leave and now I have exposed tooth roots and a screaming headache. It was a perilous night and a panic call to the dentist this morning! Thank goodness they squeezed me in this afternoon or I would be popping Ativan like M & M's. Now to spend the day not eating or breathing in any cold air. Goodness.....
Still to come......
Me working with actual humans, starting on Monday.
No one knows how this adventure is going to go!
and
Team Sotally Tober Fudder Muckers - you can only imagine....
