An Open Letter to Cancer

All right asshole. Enough all ready! You have made it quite clear that you are more powerful and you run the show. You can stop now. We understand and begrudgingly respect your superiority. Please just stop. You have single handedly ruined two families in less than two weeks. You took from us one small Titan and now one tough Rebel. Can't you just say you got the win and take a freaking vacation? How about finding something else to do with your time? You are the kind of evil words are beyond describing. Our hearts are filled with hate for you and some of us are going to use that hate to kick you down a few notches. It's your turn, you selfish, good for nothing disease.   Rebels don't rest.......... they just get even. 

If it looks like a novel is it really?

I so seriously have to express my opinion on this one.  There is a book right now on the best sellers list that I have to say I bought and read quite a bit before the whole “scandal” of the thing came out.  I have to admit that I did like the book cover.  It was simple and had a catchy title (Fifty Shades of Grey) so I read the e-preview first and that seemed good so I forked over my ten bucks for the thing and loaded it on my e-book.  First couple of chapters were not too bad.  Not literary genius, but not bad.  By the third chapter I had realized a couple of things: the author clearly did not go back and proof read her own work because the use of the same handful of descriptive sentences are already starting to annoy the hell outta me and the story line was clearly not leading anywhere but down the path of porn.  I keep reading but early on come to a part in the book where the main character is being encouraged to sign a contract that clearly is not in her best interests and quite obvious to me that if she had even an ounce of self esteem she would have told the contract holder to stuff it up his ass!  At this point I tell myself “if she signs that contract I am done reading this crap.”  This is the first time in my extensive reading career that I have ever told myself I am not going to finish a book and I have read plenty of shitty books that I always stick it out with until the end.  As it turns out the main character never ends up signing the contract in THIS book, however there are a few more books to follow that are supposed to entice us to run to the book store and purchase up the whole series to see if she actually does!  There has become quite a stir about these books – mostly because the book consists of all kinds of soft core porn scenes that the average house wife who missed the whole “Friday Nights without Borders” series on HBO a few years ago, have never seen the likes of.  At the end of the read I wanted my money back and in no way will I be purchasing (or borrowing) the books that follow.  Even local radio announcers were jesting that they could write a best seller like this, all they needed to do was write a bunch of predictable sex scenes and fill in the rest with blither and they are good to go!  My opinion: If you take out the sex and the repetitive descriptors in the book you are most likely left with maybe a dozen or so pages of nonsense.  I heard a nasty rumor that they were going to turn this book series into a movie!  Oh lordy you have got to be kidding!  How are they going to make this one R rated?  I can just see it now – the ratings review board trying to tell the producers they need to take this smut to the Porn industry and have a nice day.  How do you even tone it down enough to rate when 80 percent of the book is sex? 

I have since been trying to “cleanse” my intellect with all kinds of books that involve the author putting a little more of an effort into an actual story line (I inherited a bunch of those older kind of books that are made with paper pages, mostly murder mysteries, and I have been steadily plowing through a book a day.  At the end of this all I should be able to either apply for a job as a detective in the homicide department or start up a successful website on all the things you shouldn’t do if you want to commit a crime.)

Bottom line people – Don’t judge a book by its cover!

The Trouble with Parents

Today has been one of those days where, on one hand, I read about parents who just lost their young son and would have done anything, absolutely anything to keep him alive.  Cancer robbed this family of, among many other things: grade seven graduation, high school, acne, driving lessons, girlfriends, graduations, weddings and grandchildren.  Cancer robbed them of being able to see their son go to bed safe every night and rise healthy and happy every morning.  I bet you my left leg if there was some way to prevent this, any way, this family would have taken that opportunity.  In a heart beat.  The other side of this story is another parent, same day, who does not seem to care enough about the possibility of his son potentially getting cancer.  Do you think if this parent could see into the crystal ball of life five or ten years down the road, when his son might be going through possible cancer saying to himself “Gee I wish I had taken those extra few minutes to make sure my teenage son wasn’t lying to me about smoking?” or “I wish I had taken the time to listen to others when they had concerns and not just shrugged it off.”  Why do people not try to do their best as parents all the time?  Is that not part of the job – to keep them safe from harm?  Especially when you can obviously see that the kid makes bad choices in all aspects of his life?  What makes you think this choice is going to be any wiser?  I think, at the end of the day, I never want to have any regrets as a parent because I never, ever want to watch my child, at any age, go through what this family went through.   In the end isn’t it important to be able to say that we all did our very best for our children?

I am attaching a link to the blog of the family who lost their son.  Please do not read this if you are already sad.  Losing a child is the absolute saddest thing I can think of in the world.  I only post here for those who need a reality check and should take more care and concern of the children you brought into this world.  That and please, please hug your healthy child today. 

http://mcburneys.blogspot.ca/

To the McBurney's - the huge gaping hole in your hearts will never leave but in time, having known Kade, will fill that hole back up with the remembrance of love and all the joy he brought to your lives.  Thank you for sharing your pain with us.  It reminds us that every moment is a gift and it shouldn't be squandered.

The Good Bad Hair Day

I am currently still on the fence about the enormity of the series of events I write about next. I will be consulting an educated panel of people to help with this calamity. Mostly my most honest, bestest friends and maybe my doctor. If I can get them to take me seriously.

The other day I had a necessary, much needed appointment with my hairdresser. Most of you know the “necessary” in what I am saying. (Oh what I would give just to have dark roots again! Seriously.) Anyway, my hairdresser usually spends a great deal of time with a straight iron taming the Fantastic Frizz but this time I just did not have the patience to sit there while she painstakingly flat ironed 12 pieces of hair at a time so I asked her to just blow dry it so I could run. Well, I got home and expected to see the same Rosanna Anna Danna I usually see in the mirror after I dry my hair but NO……. hair looked fabulous. What? How could this be? She just honestly used a brush and a blow dryer and nothing else. She has some kind of magical talent because I have never been able to do this to my hair and trust me, I have tried! So I think to myself (yes, that’s a song lyric and the first in many mistakes I am about to make) I should take a picture of this hair so I can do this by myself. Oh dear. I take a few pictures and am quite satisfied that I have captured the image I need to use later. Then I look at the photos. Holy batshit! Is that me? What the hell happened to my face? THAT is clearly not the chick I see in the mirror every day! So I text the old boy, who is at work (possibly mistake 3 or 4 at this point) and tell him that I just took a picture of myself and hello– When did I have a stroke? Clearly the person in the picture has had either super bad plastic surgery or had a mild stroke! One half of her face is lower than the other! I have been walking around all crooked faced and probably drooling and no one has said a word!

I get a text back quite some time later that reads only: Really? That’s it. Honestly, I was sort of expecting a reply that said something to the effect of “Last year, you didn’t notice? Ha ha” or “You have always looked like a stroke victim. Ha ha.” (notice I put the “ha ha’s” in there to offset the obvious uncomfortableness of the topic?) I talk to him on the phone some time later and I ask him about his lack of response (not to mention lack of sense of humor.  Seriously? I would have been all over that!) to this question and you know what he says? “I’m not touching that one. I’ll just get into trouble.” Really dude? Do you know what that response has done to my damaged Ego and dwindling self esteem? Permanently killed both. They packed up and went somewhere non-lopsided. I am left with a shelf full of self loathing and a shattered sense of what I thought I looked like.

I spend the rest of the night watching Cake Boss and wondering if my deformity will straighten up if I finish that open bottle of wine in the fridge or should I double check the eyebrows? Maybe they are just crooked? Forget the new roof, forget college tuition and forget expensive sports tuition – this girls lookin for a plastic surgeon (of course after I have cleared up the possible stroke issue and had a piece of cake).

Because The People Want to Know (Well MY People Anyway!)

To provide updates on some of the previous unresolved posts, the sleezy escort company has pulled all the advertisements using the young man’s cell number off the internet.  For now….  No, they never contacted me to apologize or anything of the sort.  I am pretty sure that they were none to concerned with the “call” I was going to make to the police BUT were just a teeny bit nervous about my mentioning exposing the story to the media.  Kind of makes you wonder.

Just to note: I had absolutely no idea what a huge business this “escort” thing was and clearly must have missed the government passing new legislation making prostitution legal?  Where have I been?

On another note I was walking by the office on the ground floor of the house on the weekend and low and behold there, right in the entrance way, was a very large spider carcass!  I cannot confirm or deny if this is the same blood sucking spider who was threatening to bite me and build a condo in my closet however I am going to live in the knowledge that it was him and I can resume my forty trips to the closet every morning trying to find something to wear without having to do a full area scan every time.  This will undoubtedly save me much time in the morning thereby allowing me to get to where I am going with a matching outfit and completely stress free. 

I do have to note that the old boy was still unconcerned about the potential spider threat and refused to check the carcass for blood on it's fangs.  I did make him however flush the thing down the toilet.  Hey - you never know with these things.  I am sure spiders have been known to "play possum".  Right?