May 30, 2014
Garden Neglect or a "Plant" growing contest? You decide.
There really is two ways to look at the monstrosity pictured here. First off, if you want to throw a positive spin on things this could be one of the most well grown, healthy weeds ever! The other side of course is that yes, I have totally been neglecting my garden (this particular beauty grew in one of the spots I don't really like weeding. I shall dub said weed "The Opportunist"). I will be researching on line if there is a weed growing contest (no.... not that kinda weed) and if I can find one I will most certainly let this baby grow to its full potential. If not I suppose I will have to get some full body armour to get it out! Sucker looks mean!
I
May 2, 2014
Stop Being Judgy
For the record, I am not sure if "judgy" is a word but I am pretty sure "asshat" isn't either but who are we to say what the next best English word is anyway? (I am almost certain it is NOT "selfie").
Back to judgy - Remember back in the day when moms used to pretend their world was wonderful and never, ever complained about their kids being lazy shitheads and they would never in a million years discuss their subsequent coping mechanisms (wine/spirits/moonshine)? Back in my day (not that long ago, really. Fine - it was at least 15 years ago. Whatever.) I distinctly recall saying accidently out loud that I really do get why some people: cuff their children, run off and join the circus, abandon ship or become shut ins and I very distinctly as well recall the horrified look on peoples faces. What has she done? Spoken out loud about what we have all thought from time to time? (I would add my propensity for disliking stupid people but that would take a really long time to explain and a lot of back peddling so I will keep that to myself) So here I am 15 years later and low and behold some people actually say this stuff out loud. Really people, who hasn't wanted to give your dumb ass child a cuff in the back of the head once and awhile. I am not talking abuse here - I am talking about the "what the heck did you do idiot"! Who hasn't thought about "borrowing" your friends ex-husbands new mid-life crisis convertible and doing the Thelma and Louise (minus the dramatic ending of course)? Come on people, stop denying that sometimes life gets the better of us and we want to run off and join the circus (of course a friend duly reminded me awhile ago that carnies do not have dental. At. All. Huge fault with the circus life proposal, just saying). So the bottom line is it is all good and wonderful to watch someone struggle with parenting or child's behaviour and think that will never be you or your child is perfect and you will never have to deal with any of that but...... the only way you are not going to have to deal with the perils of parenting is to a) not have kids in the first place or b) send the little buggers to foreign boarding school and/or hire nannies like the rich and famous do because oh nelly, if your really lucky you get to have teenagers and they are what patience and the invention of alcohol are all about baby!
Sub-note to the English dictionary addendum - new word was recently added to my vocabulary from a friend who had to wait in line and be patient his entire life because his damn last name starts with Z (good move on his wife's part not to take that sucker when they got married because seriously waiting for the letter Z to come up is sooo painful.) Anyway, the Last Letter of the Alphabet Man introduced me to my new favourite name calling tag: Weaselshit. Really! It's an actual thing. Weasels are mammals and therefore they must do their doody right? Anyway, don't be surprised if you read this new, innovative name calling feature in posts to come! Can you just read it now: That little weaselshit...... oh my that's just brilliant.
Back to judgy - Remember back in the day when moms used to pretend their world was wonderful and never, ever complained about their kids being lazy shitheads and they would never in a million years discuss their subsequent coping mechanisms (wine/spirits/moonshine)? Back in my day (not that long ago, really. Fine - it was at least 15 years ago. Whatever.) I distinctly recall saying accidently out loud that I really do get why some people: cuff their children, run off and join the circus, abandon ship or become shut ins and I very distinctly as well recall the horrified look on peoples faces. What has she done? Spoken out loud about what we have all thought from time to time? (I would add my propensity for disliking stupid people but that would take a really long time to explain and a lot of back peddling so I will keep that to myself) So here I am 15 years later and low and behold some people actually say this stuff out loud. Really people, who hasn't wanted to give your dumb ass child a cuff in the back of the head once and awhile. I am not talking abuse here - I am talking about the "what the heck did you do idiot"! Who hasn't thought about "borrowing" your friends ex-husbands new mid-life crisis convertible and doing the Thelma and Louise (minus the dramatic ending of course)? Come on people, stop denying that sometimes life gets the better of us and we want to run off and join the circus (of course a friend duly reminded me awhile ago that carnies do not have dental. At. All. Huge fault with the circus life proposal, just saying). So the bottom line is it is all good and wonderful to watch someone struggle with parenting or child's behaviour and think that will never be you or your child is perfect and you will never have to deal with any of that but...... the only way you are not going to have to deal with the perils of parenting is to a) not have kids in the first place or b) send the little buggers to foreign boarding school and/or hire nannies like the rich and famous do because oh nelly, if your really lucky you get to have teenagers and they are what patience and the invention of alcohol are all about baby!
Sub-note to the English dictionary addendum - new word was recently added to my vocabulary from a friend who had to wait in line and be patient his entire life because his damn last name starts with Z (good move on his wife's part not to take that sucker when they got married because seriously waiting for the letter Z to come up is sooo painful.) Anyway, the Last Letter of the Alphabet Man introduced me to my new favourite name calling tag: Weaselshit. Really! It's an actual thing. Weasels are mammals and therefore they must do their doody right? Anyway, don't be surprised if you read this new, innovative name calling feature in posts to come! Can you just read it now: That little weaselshit...... oh my that's just brilliant.
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